SUNDAY JOKES - 94

 

During the World War 2, three people, Michael, Sam and Ben were captured by the Germans. They will be sentenced to death by shooting, one after the other.
Fortunately, Michael came up with a plan. He told the others that the Germans were afraid of natural disasters. So, he would cause them to panic and escape while they were in confusion.
The next morning, Michael was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready... Aim...", but before he could complete, Michael shouted, "Earthquake! Earthquake!" The German soldiers panicked and Michael escaped.
Later, the soldiers took Sam out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Sam shouted, "Flood! Flood!" Again, the soldiers panicked and this time, Sam made his escape.
Observing all this, Ben began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing right."
Soon, it was Ben's turn. The soldiers lined up in front of him.
The captain started, "Ready..."
"Aim..."
Ben shouted, "FIRE!!! FIRE!!! "

Where do you learn to make a banana split?

Sundae school!

 

Three blonds are walking down the street when they saw some tracks. 

The first one said "I think they are dog tracks". 

The second one said "I think they are cow tracks". 

The third one said "I think they are Dodo bird tracks". 

What happened next?
They all got hit by a train!

 

I went to see a wise man the other day for advice and he said, "He who knows and knows he knows, knows not. He who knows not and knows he knows not, knows."
I don't know who's going to do my taxes next year, but I know it won't be him again!

Where do boats go when they're sick?

To the boat doc!

After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside!

Where do fruits go on vacation?

Pear-is!

A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a sheep. He stopped at a sheep farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100-pound sheep.
The farmer nodded, walked out into the shed, bent over and picked up a sheep by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".
Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a sheep that way".
The farmer laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that sheep for this man".
The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This sheep weighs about 100 pounds".
The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the sheep. After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's finished weighing the mailman!"

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