Did you know that before a Muslim couple can marry, it is compulsory for them to attend a two-day pre-marriage course? The English course is more expensive than the one conducted in Malay, and probably costs RM155 per person for the full-day event (9am to 5pm).
The Malay course is held in a hall where the two sexes are separated. The one in English is held in a smaller room where couples can sit next to their partners.
Different lecturers touch on various topics. Handouts are provided, but participants find that only the topic about registering the marriage is useful. Participants receive certificates of attendance and feedback is discouraged.
Most couples simply endure the two days of mind-numbing talks because it was, as one young man said, "No certificate, no marriage."
Another friend said that her daughter, a fresh graduate from a Western university, stormed off, after disagreeing with many of the things the instructor said.
In one talk about divorce, the lecturer boasted that he had been divorced five times, and was working on his sixth. He was proud that he had plenty of information to share with the group.
He seems to be the one in most need of the pre-marriage course. Perhaps, he did attend the course and is the perfect example that the course is useless.
One of the questions asked is, "Why are you getting married?", and attendees were warned that they should not be getting married for the wrong reasons.
So, what is a right or wrong reason?
Are arranged marriages a right or wrong reason? Is marrying a minor a right or wrong reason? What about shotgun marriages? Or would the couple be in serious trouble for admitting to having sexual relations before getting married? Will they be advised to get married before the bump is visible? Is it stoning for this couple or just a rap on the knuckles?
Who came up with the idea of a pre-marriage course? The Ministry for Women or Jakim (Department of Islamic Development)?
Isn't this pre-marriage course another exercise to keep Malays in employment? It is like Jakim's khalwat squad which provides job opportunities to Malays. This is a state-sanctioned and taxpayer-funded job as a voyeur.
A friend who attended this pre-marriage course years ago claimed that in one lecture, the men were allegedly instructed how to physically beat their wives and not leave any marks. Delicate areas of the face were to be avoided, but targeting the torso was acceptable.
It would be interesting to see if the pre-marriage courses have reduced the alarmingly high rates of divorce in Muslim marriages. Where are the statistics to show if the pre-marriage courses have made an impact or otherwise?
Many couples start married life with limited funds. Must they be burdened with forking out precious savings on a marriage course, which may or may not help them?
In position of power
On a similar note, how much longer can the madness in the Women's Ministry go on for?
Instead of empowering women, or formulating policies for the good of women and their children, Deputy Women, Family and Community Development Minister Siti Zailah Mohd Yusoff would prefer that women are like putty in the hands of their husbands.
Each time Siti Zailah opens her mouth, the row that develops is both entertaining and instructive. Instead of addressing all Malaysian women, Siti Zailah, has ignored the non-Malays and non-Muslims in society. Perhaps she thinks that marital disputes do not exist amongst non-Muslim couples. What happened to Keluarga Malaysia? Or is it only Keluarga Melayu that matters?
As a woman in a position of power, she should be promoting women's causes. She has failed to empower women and is a misogynist in her own right.
In the past, she has neglected to focus on real issues and spent time on trivia like the dress code of stewardesses in the national airline.
When MH17 was shot down over Ukraine in 2014, Siti Zailah said that the downing of the aircraft was possibly "Allah's wrath". She suggested that alcohol should be banned on MAS, and the dress code of the stewardesses, especially Muslim cabin crew members, should be reviewed.
In the previous week, Siti Zailah invited further criticism with her four videos or "tips" for married couples.
Siti Zailah wants wives to pander to their husband's every whim. Wives must wait for their husbands to calm down, have finished eating and is full, have prayed and is relaxed, before she raises a particular issue.
Wives must remain silent and not talk back. Wives must seek permission to speak. What century does Siti Zailah think it is? Are wives modern-day slaves? At this rate, it is only a matter of time before she wants all women to be banned from driving.
Siti Zailah should contact women's NGOs which deal with domestic violence, to open her eyes to the reality of dealing with violent husbands, whose language of communication is their fists.
What is her solution for wives whose husbands have prolonged absences from the marital home? These men shoulder no responsibility for their family.
Siti Zailah said that disgruntled husbands can sleep separately from their wives for three days if the women refuse to heed their advice. Undoubtedly, some husbands will gladly take up the minister's suggestion and find solace in the arms of their mistresses. What happens then?
Do PAS ministers understand the crucial role played by cabinet members? Ministers formulate policies which affect both Muslim and non-Muslim lives. Instead, her ministry functions as an inadequate marriage counselling service for Muslim males.
If Siti Zailah is very concerned about Muslim husbands, she should resign and start a marriage counselling service for them. - Mkini
MARIAM MOKHTAR is a defender of the truth, the admiral-general of the Green Bean Army, and president of the Perak Liberation Organisation (PLO). Blog, Twitter.
The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.
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