Three
gentlemen are golfing on a fine sunny day. They come to a difficult par with a
water trap just after the tee. The first golfer proceeds to hit his ball right
into the water. To retrieve it, he simply approaches the body of water and
extends his golf club. The water parts, he takes his next shot and it lands on
the green.
The
second golfer hits his ball towards the water, but rather than sink, the ball
floats on top of the water. The golfer nonchalantly walks across the water and
hits the ball onto the green.
The
third golfer hits the ball directly into the water, where it quickly starts to
sink. As the ball sinks, a fish grabs the ball in its mouth. At that very
moment, a hawk plucks the fish out of the water and begins to carry it aloft.
As the bird soars higher, a bolt of lightning startles the bird, which then
drops the fish into a nearby tree. When the fish hits a branch of the tree, the
ball pops out, rolls down the trunk of the tree, across the green and right
into the hole...
Moses
turns to Jesus and says "You know, I hate golfing with your Father!"
I met a nice girl at a bar last
night and asked her to call me when she made it home.
I have not heard from her
since.
She must be homeless!
Q: What is the lion's favourite food?
A: Baked beings!
Pfizer Corp is making an
announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will
be marketed by Pepsi Co as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
Pepsi's proposed advertisement campaign claims it will now be possible for a
man to literally pour himself a stiff one!
Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft
drink. This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and
just a good old fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name
of "Mount & Do!"
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot
horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at
dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. The guest let out
a huge gasp.
When he was finally able to speak, he choked out,
"I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've
met who passes out a sample of it!"
Jeff Dunham: You're afraid of
offending people?
Ahmed: Yeah.
Jeff Dunham: You're a
terrorist. You kill people.
Ahmed: That's different. Killing people is easy;
being politically correct is a pain in the ass!
Q: If a four-legged animal is a
quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!
If a packet hits a pocket on a
socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the
address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet
pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a
dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data
is corrupted because the index doesn't hash, then your situation is hopeless,
and your system is going to crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir!
If the label on the cable on the table at your
house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your
packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that is repeatedly rejected by the
printer down the hall!
And your screen is all distorted
by the side effects of gauss so your icons in the window are as wavy as a
souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, because as sure as
I'm a poet, the sucker is going to hang!
When the copy of your floppy's
getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary
risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.
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