A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explained. “God is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you.”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little.
Peering out into the darkness, he called, “God? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom?”
The probability of someone watching you is proportionate to the stupidity of your action!
A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang.
The six-year-old picked it up and said, “Hi, Daddy!” and she began telling him about her day.
She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work.
When it was finally the wife’s turn to talk, she took the receiver and said, “Hi, sweetheart.”
“Thank goodness, lady,” the voice on the other end replied. “I just called to tell you that the grab-food you ordered is here!”
Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins!
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man says “no”.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?”
The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”
“Well, that’s really sad,” says Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to take her seat? A relative or a close friend?”
“No,” the man replies, “they’re all at the funeral!”
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children. Then Ted died of heart disease.
She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Again, Judy remarried, and this time she and John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.”
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: “Margaret, do you think he meant her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?”
Margaret replied: “I think he meant her legs, Ethel.”
Where do you find lost silverware?
Answer: At the fork in the road.
A travelling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings. When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.
At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: “Come down, Holy Spirit!”
Still no sign of the dove.
The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters.
“Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?”
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!
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