What about a ‘Responsible Husbands Club’?

Women are not sex slaves to be forced into submission and there is more to a marriage than just sex.

COMMENT

If Global Ikwan Sdn Bhd can form the “Obedient Wives Club” (OWC) to train wives to satisfy their husbands, then why not a club to teach husbands how to be responsible?

The aim of the OWC is to “make wives obedient and submissive”. But blaming the wives for the “infidelity and other weaknesses of men” is wrong. It is degrading for women and makes husbands appear insecure.

Some sections of the Malaysian community focus on the needs of men only, and ignore the well-being of women and children of society.

Why is the woman at fault when her husband misbehaves? Why should wives be “made” obedient and kept submissive? Wives are neither circus animals trained to perform tricks nor are they sex slaves to keep husbands happy.

Isn’t marriage a union of two people who should treat each other with love and respect? Each partner has rights and responsibilities. Neither should take advantage of the other nor make that person submit to the other’s will.

Why does Global Ikwan want to change wives into better people? Trying to change another person should never be the aim of any marriage.

How many times have we heard a disgruntled and unhappy spouse blaming the failure of their relationship on his or her inability to “change” the other person’s character or behaviour?

No. Change should come from within. It cannot be forced onto another.

Why should wives change into “better persons” if their husbands remain abusive and irresponsible?

A little naive

Maznah Taufik, the spokeswoman for Global Ikwan, said that wives were not making themselves sexually attractive and welcoming when the husband returned home from work. She did not mention how it should be for working women and mothers.

She also attributed society’s problems to disobedient wives who were not working hard enough at “serving” their husbands. She is convinced that the duty of the wife was to “obey, serve and entertain” her husband.

Maznah believed that happy, cheerful and contented husbands would not be cruel and abusive to their wives. She said that men would not visit prostitutes if their wives “behaved”.

The people behind Global Ikwan seem a little naive. Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world. Some seemingly contented husbands with docile, doting wives in a happy family will eagerly pay for the services of a prostitute. Altering the wife’s behaviour appears pointless.

Why do relationship problems in Muslim marriages all boil down to sex? Why is it always the woman’s fault?

Perhaps someone should knock some sense into misbehaving men and start a “make husbands responsible” club.

How many men remember their wives’ birthdays or their own wedding anniversaries? Some men even get their secretaries to remember these crucial dates and buy the presents for their wives.

How many men help their wives with the household chores even when the wife is working full-time? Perhaps they think that dishes clean themselves and the laundry gets done by magic.

Mother substitute

Many men think they are entitled to their rest and recreation and go off to play golf or to see their friends before returning home for supper. They treat the family home like a hotel. Others treat their wives like a sex-slave, maid, a laundrette service or driver.

Some husbands ignore simple things like putting the toilet seat up or not leaving their clothes in a pile on the floor. Perhaps these men think they are still little boys and their mother substitute can pick up after them.

The men in the “Obedient Husbands Club” could also be taught that their children need quality time with their fathers. Those who are divorced should realise that they need to pay for child maintenance. A child is for life, not just a by-product of sex with the wife.

The men in this club should understand that women have feelings, too, and that sex is not merely to satisfy the husband. Some men should be aware that there is nothing to be proud of in their “30 second performance”.

Married men should also look after their appearance and not make an effort to improve their looks and general health only when they are having affairs. It is widely alleged that one parliamentarian dyed his hair when it was known he was trying to woo another woman who was not his wife. Other men enrol in fitness classes to tone their bodies for the benefit of their mistresses.

For some men, it is their vanity, combined with money and an insatiable sex-drive that addles their brains.

There are also men who should contain their violent tempers and not use their fists on their wives when they are angry.

So it is puzzling that Global Ikram should suggest that women should “change” for the men who are abusive and who go astray.

Look at foreign celebrities like Ryan Giggs or Tiger Woods. They had loving wives. Would it make a difference if we changed the wives’ behaviour?

Women are not sex slaves to be forced into submission and there is more to a marriage than just sex. A marriage should be built on trust, respect and loyalty.

Global Ikwan is wrong to suggest that the solution for erring husbands is for wives to change. The wife has an equally important role to play. She has her rights just as the husband his responsibilities.

Mariam Mokhtar is a political observer and an FMT columnist.