To know Malaysia is to love Malaysia

While the Malays practically monopolise politics, the Chinese monopolise the economy although you are bound to hear most Chinese grumble about the discrimination that they face. Even though the Chinese control the wealth of the nation it is best you do not point this out to those you talk to, as they are more comfortable with the notion that the non-Malays suffer discrimination and unfair treatment in spite of their vast wealth.

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

Ladies, welcome to our orientation session. These sessions are meant to help the wives of foreign diplomats serving in Malaysia to better familiarise themselves with local culture, traditions, customs and taboos. Actually, Malaysians themselves have not yet come to a decision as to what their culture, traditions, customs and taboos are.

Hence you have to play by ear most of the time and tune in to TV3 every night to monitor what statements come out from the mouths of politicians, which will then give you an idea as to what the flavour of the day is, so to speak. Invariably, this constantly changes from time to time depending on what the political issues of the day are and who is doing the talking.

Malaysia has what they call the New Economic Policy or NEP. This was a policy introduced in 1970 and was supposed to have run for 20 years and end in 1990. Nevertheless, 42 years on and that 20-year policy is still being enforced. It is best you do not try to understand how a 20-year policy can run for 42 years and will probably run for another 42 years with no end in sight. 

The NEP was intended to bridge the gap between the haves and the haves-not and to reduce the disparity between the different races. What you will see instead when one day you get to tour the country, however, is that the poor remain poor while the rich get richer. You will also come to realise that it is not the NEP but political power that bridges the gap between the haves and the haves-not and reduces the disparity between the different races. It would be wise, however, if you keep these observations to yourself as it can be a very sensitive issue to most Malaysians.

That is probably the first taboo you need to note.

Malaysia, as most of you know, is a Constitutional Monarchy. It has a Parliament that is elected into office with a Prime Minister as its head every five years. However, unlike Britain, which gave Malaysia this system, the general elections are not held every five years. They are held when the government feels it is strong enough to win the elections.

Malaysia has nine state monarchs with one of the nine becoming its Supreme Head for a period of five years on the basis of a rotation system and based on the concept of first amongst equals, who is called the Agong. Malaysia, therefore, is the only country in the world where the Prime Minister can rule till the day he dies while the monarch rules for only five years.

Furthermore, the monarch cannot remove the Prime Minister while the Prime Minister can remove the monarch, although this is seldom done, at least not since the British gave Malaysia its independence in 1957. Of course, during the time of the British occupation, a number of monarchs who did not demonstrate pro-British tendencies were kicked out of office and were replaced by pretenders to the throne who were British lackeys.

Malaysia still practices old British laws of 1,000 years ago that makes it a crime to criticise the rulers so it would be best that none of you engage in any discussion regarding the royal family. In the next session we will teach you the proper protocol and the manner in how you address members of the royal family and non-royal Malaysians who have been given titles by the palace. It is a very complicated culture but if you were to view movies of England of, say, 500 years ago, that would give you a pretty good idea about how it works.

Malaysians are fond of talking about race and religion, two subject matters that most of us in the west do not like to talk about. Hence it would be advisable that when you meet Malaysians you try to steer the discussion into another direction lest you get dragged into discussing this most unpalatable subject. One strategy would be to talk about the traffic jams and Malaysian driving habits, another subject Malaysians are most passionate about.

As I said earlier, Malaysia is a Constitutional Monarchy with Islam as the official religion of the country. However, Malaysia is neither a Theocratic State nor a Secular State and after 55 years of independence Malaysians are still arguing about what the country is. Some will insist that Malaysia is an Islamic State, some that Malaysia is a Secular State, while some will insist that Malaysia is neither or is something in between.

Actually, Malaysia is more accurately in a confused state, as I doubt they will ever come to any agreement on the matter. Most of our governments, however, consider Malaysia an Autocratic State but it would be best we do not mention this fact, as it can be a very sore point to most Malaysians.

Malays are the dominant ethnic group in Malaysia and they hold most of the political power plus the majority and key positions in the government, police and armed forces. However, more than a dozen political parties form the government of the day under a coalition, the only country in the world where more than a dozen political parties are needed to form the government, as not one of the two dozen or so political parties has enough votes or seats to form the government. Hence Malaysia’s political system comprises of two coalitions, both which claim to be multi-racial but are in reality very racial in composition and structure.

While the Malays practically monopolise politics, the Chinese monopolise the economy although you are bound to hear most Chinese grumble about the discrimination that they face. Even though the Chinese control the wealth of the nation it is best you do not point this out to those you talk to, as they are more comfortable with the notion that the non-Malays suffer discrimination and unfair treatment in spite of their vast wealth. 

Malays are officially and legally Muslims and no Malay may convert to any other religion once they are born into a Muslim family. Malays are also forbidden from indulging in vices such as the drinking of liquor, gambling, extra-marital sex, and so on, while homosexuality is illegal. Nevertheless, you will find that many Malays secretly do what is officially forbidden and you are advised to not make any mention of this lest you rub their sensitivities the wrong way.

Okay, we will stop here for today. Next week we will discuss some of the other taboos, which some of you may find very amusing. Oh, and Malaysians are very superstitious, especially the Chinese, even the educated Chinese, so you must take special note of this as they tend to get very emotional if you make any mistakes such as giving out white coloured envelopes instead of red ones during Chinese New Year.