TAKE UP THE GAUNTLET IBRAHIM ALI! Perkasa should BAN English

APRIL - The solution is staring at us, it has been for years, and now I will unveil it so that my right wing brethren will have a real cause to fight for, to raise a new catchphrase high in the skies as indictment of a superior race at play because this panacea will show that they managed to formulate a cogent solution without expensive management consultants.

But what is this issue that escapes the fertile and innovative minds of those at Perkasa and Isma? Some means to stamp out liberalism, pluralism, multiculturalism and other unlisted isms which are threatening the true Malay Muslim way of life.

As I’ve been saying from the start, it is so obvious: Ban the learning of English for Malays. It is the infidel’s language and disallowing the next generation of Malays to read it will pave the way to a sanitised and sane Malay population.

Anyhow it is analysed, the demon behind uncensored information, the type that confuses Malays according to several ministers, has been coated with English, or probably in the language itself. The language of William Shakespeare is providing the horrible spectre of inclusion and free expression, and let’s not even mention about the sexuality of the Bard which is still suspect.

For instance, the issue of Malay bibles will never go away in this current socio-political climate, because to our right wing dudes every Malay bible is a window to Malay speaking people reading the bible. It is a direct correlation for them. But alas, that does that shut out the possibility of Malays reading about the bible or other insidious constructs like atheism, hedonism, paganism and veganism in English.

Oh no! And the more the extreme ultra thinks about it, or knocks two coconuts between his ears, it will be clear like that listening to the ocean, that the real enemy is English.

The diminishing universe leads to a known safe reality

More than 90 per cent of the Internet is in English, and if our Malay chaps here can’t read in it anymore then they will be forced to rely on mostly state approved Malay languages websites. The naysayers in the midst may start their own blogspot or wordpress accounts and hope for readers, but the government can with the assistance of Perkasa or Isma, alternately, spend lavishly to turn state run Malay websites into multimedia paradises. No pop-ups, no ads and never subscriptions, these will be sure hit websites.

Mind you this is not an anti-language campaign. There is space for new second languages like Arab and Japanese. Nor is this a novel campaign, China and Japan — yes, them again — had closed door policies for decades during the colonial years. The fact they decayed a bit during the period and were forcibly opened up by western forces — many of them speaking English — does not negate the existence of precedents.

But how about the Non-Malays, they can learn English? They can do as they please, but the taking away of English from the vast majority of Malaysian students who are incidentally Malays will in turn resolve the longstanding problem of qualified English teachers. So many educators who are not fit to teach English as analysed by the education ministry will be educators of other subjects. In this single swoop the quality of English education will be a non-issue even if the population of English speakers will reduce considerably over the decades.

Wait now a second, the keen observer might point out, English is the language of trade, commerce, international law and Hollywood, how will the new generation of Malays engage if soon all of them cannot speak the language?

A fair question, which is why the bluebloods, the higher class of Malays, those whose Malay-ness is beyond reproach should be allowed to learn English. They will defend all Malays while the rest of the population need not worry about those developments, their lives are certain and well as long as those representatives are dealing on their behalf with the world.

Perkasa and Isma senior leaders, and obviously Umno division chiefs’ children.

How willingly they volunteer their children to be exposed to the vulgarities and permissiveness brought by English, proving further that real leadership is priceless.

Crazy is what crazy does

Is this too mad a resolution? Maybe it is, maybe. But maybe it takes a little madness, a little can-do-on-our-own attitude to change our world from those seeking to compromise it with their ideologies and Socratic methods. Perkasa and Isma cannot let the larger international community judge them — and they never have been apologetic — when they condemn meritocracy and fairplay, because first these critics are not Malaysians and second if they are Malaysians they can be threatened openly with no consequence. Since there is nothing to fear, not even fear itself, our ultra-boys should aim for the moon.File photo shows Balik Pulau Perkasa members meeting Penang state exco for Islamic Affairs, Abdul Malik (right) at the state’s administrative offices in Komtar, Penang. — Picture by K.E. OoiFile photo shows Balik Pulau Perkasa members meeting Penang state exco for Islamic Affairs, Abdul Malik (right) at the state’s administrative offices in Komtar, Penang. — Picture by K.E. Ooi

Still, while those in power will show great sympathy to these bigots for making them look like moderates, they won’t actually drop English. But they may, in the face of Perkasa and Isma’s objections, present some halfway measures. Like these for example:

1. Financially reward Malays who fail English in national examinations. This incentive will drive up interest in giving up on English even before the poorly trained teachers in the schools give up on the students. It is an unparalleled paradigm shifter and help convince the young impressionable students from being doubtful about the use of English after catching “Fast and Furious 7” in a local cinema

2. Campaign for cybercafés to not use English based videogames. The hundreds of thousands of Malay students filling up these outlets playing violent seek and destroy games may inadvertently pick up English playing the games. A problem easily rectified by focussing on Japanese videogames.

3. Psychological profiling for Malaysian students about to take up overseas scholarships from the civil service, GLCs or Petronas. Our children are less likely to be irradiated by toxic western ideas if those we send over are opposed already to western liberal ideas. A while back Christian scientists wanted to isolate the gay gene for the obvious reasons, adopting a similar vein of pseudo-eugenics our “values consultants” readily available from Perkasa and Isma can easily identify characteristics in an applicant suggesting an inclination to liberalism, for example has never been actually arrested for beating up foreign migrants.

Oh yes, English

Perkasa and Isma should always fear English and the openness is continuing to create in and around us daily. Ideas are sinking into the consciousness of the Malay people, the young Malay people, because there is just too many ideas, which is the same as saying there is too much English.

And even if those in power for the time being won’t listen too much to such a proposal today, they will be reminded years from now when those damn liberals have gotten all over us, and at times into us, that Perkasa and Isma did ring the bells. They did tell those who fear modern and free life that there is a doorway where these evils are emerging from. -Malaymail