ASK; DON’T STATE

But don’t try ‘if I were to ask you nicely whether you would sleep with me would you say yes?’ because even though that is a question it could still get you into deep shit. I mean she might reply to your question with another question such as ‘can you afford to pay me my normal fee of RM1,000 to sleep with you?’

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

On 4th September 2012, Andrew Mitchell was appointed Government Chief Whip. On 19th September 2012, Mitchell allegedly told a police officer at Downing Street, “Best you learn your fucking place. You don’t run this fucking government. You’re fucking plebs.” Mitchell denied the incident but still apologised anyway and then resigned on 19th October 2012.

Selangor Menteri Besar Azmin Ali is alleged to have called the IGP a baruah of Umno. Azmin said he did not call the IGP a baruah of Umno but asked the IGP whether he was a baruah of Umno. It is a question, said Azmin, not a statement.

I suppose, in the UK case, since Mitchell called the policeman a pleb, then he has to resign even though he denied doing so and the CCTV video seems to have contradicted what the policeman said.

In Azmin’s case he did not call the IGP a baruah of Umno. He was asking a question. Hence Azmin need not resign like Mitchell did. It is now up to the IGP to answer that question: is he or is he not a baruah of Umno?

When you pose a question rather than make a statement then you have done no harm. Only if you make a statement will you be in trouble. Therefore, to avoid problems, make sure you do not make allegations but instead ask questions?

If you say Anwar Ibrahim cannot become the Prime Minister because he is bisexual, that would get you into a lot of trouble. Anwar will sue you for RM100 million like he did the others. You could probably even get arrested and charged for criminal defamation like I was.

But if you rephrase that as a question, for example, ‘how can conservative Muslim Malays accept someone who has twice been arrested and charged for sodomy when clearly Islam frowns upon such acts?’ then you are in the safe zone.

You are not accusing Anwar of anything. First of all you are stating a fact: that Anwar has twice been arrested and charged for sodomy. That is true. That is not a lie. So nothing wrong there because you are not stating that Anwar did commit sodomy but only that he has twice been arrested and charged for sodomy.

Secondly, you are stating that conservative Muslim Malays cannot accept someone who has twice been arrested and charged for sodomy. That is true as well. Many liberal Muslim Malays would have no problems with this but conservative Muslim Malays would. So that is not a lie.

Thirdly, you state that Islam frowns upon such acts. That, too, is also true. In fact, so does Christianity if the Bible is not a fake and is to be believed.

So you see, a question mark instead of an exclamation mark can save your sorry arse. And that is why Mitchell had to resign while Azmin does not. And if you use question marks instead of exclamation marks you can save yourself a lot of trouble and avoid a host of problems.

If you say that the Christians are trying to convert Muslims to Christianity by publishing Bahasa Malaysia Bibles and by using Allah in these Bibles, numerous police reports would be made against you are you would probably be arrested and charged for sedition.

However, if you rephrase that to ‘is the publishing of the Bahasa Malaysia Bibles and the use of the Allah word an attempt to convert Muslims to Christianity?’ then you are not alleging anything but merely asking a question. So no harm done! It is up to the Bible Society to reply either yes or no.

There are many other examples how converting statements into questions can keep you out of trouble.

Are the non-Muslims trying to interfere in Islam by opposing Hudud? (A question. Not an allegation).

Is DAP trying to kill off PAS through PasMas? (A question. Not an allegation).

Are PKR and DAP trying to undermine PAS’s Islamic agenda by backing the liberals to oppose the ulama’ leadership? (A question. Not an allegation).

Is the long-term plan of Pakatan Rakyat to abolish the monarchy and turn Malaysia into a republic? (A question. Not an allegation).

Are they trying to remove the Prime Minister so that Umno can revert to its original agenda of Ketuanan Melayu and not be too compromising with the non-Malays? (A question. Not an allegation).

Is Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad pissed with Najib Razak because the government refuses to pump in RM1.7 billion into Proton, which has already cost the country so much money and does not appear to have a future unless taxes on other cars are increased further? (A question. Not an allegation).

Are they trying to put pressure on the Prime Minister to force him to resign because they know they cannot oust him unless he resigns on his own accord or they engineer a military coup? (A question. Not an allegation).

So you see, you can pose as many questions as you like and very sensitive issues would not get you into trouble because all you are doing is you are asking and not alleging.

But don’t try ‘if I were to ask you nicely whether you would sleep with me would you say yes?’ because even though that is a question it could still get you into deep shit. I mean she might reply to your question with another question such as ‘can you afford to pay me my normal fee of RM1,000 to sleep with you?’