‘Dear Kakak’

Dear my ever most beloved sister, Kakak,

Tomorrow is your big day. Why did you have to grow up so fast? Do you still remember those days when I used to taunt you until you cried and it was only Ayah’s shouting alongside Ibu’s continued nagging that would eventually have that magical force for the entire ruckus to stop?

I cannot even begin to explain how overwhelmed I am now to have seen you transform from being a silly young girl with chocolate stains stuck underneath your tooth into a wise woman who is perfectly capable of thinking and speaking for herself.

Again, your transformation never stops and it continues tomorrow as you will find yourself merrily traversing along a path of dreamed life together with the very person you shall unequivocally devote your love and faith to, your husband.

It is part of life, yes, I understand. One is born and raised, gets married, and by the turn of the life cycle, eventually gives birth to children of her own and raises them.

The process of an individual’s sociological evolution is a given and therefore requires neither serious understanding nor better enlightenment. But the values you carry with you, and more importantly, hold so dear to your heart the second you have decided to set the sail and journey through your course is what matters the most.

Kakak, be known to you that life is always larded with dangers. The only way to safely get through them is courage and persistence in any decisions you make.

It matters not if your decision appears to be an unwise one at a later stage, because what does is the fact that you are confident that you have decided to act on it in the spirit of love, compassion, and faith - faith in yourself, faith in the love for your partner, and most importantly, faith in the spirit of togetherness.

Darling, happiness quite unshared can hardly be called happiness at all. Responsibility, rights, and duties are never capable of being well executed if they are not proportionately halved. Marriage is a union of equal partnership with both of you equally having a balanced emotional and intellectual capacity to run the ship that you call ‘family’. Sustenance of the marriage lies in the strength of your belief in both equality and equity.

Demand respect to your satisfaction for the same to be mutually exchanged. That makes your equal union a blessed one.

Superiority in marriage does not exist at all. Similar to the running of the corporate partnership, a conjugal partnership works in the same spirit where equal division of rights and responsibilities to ensure happiness strictly applies. Concession to one partner assuming the role of a leader does not as of right make him one. It merely makes him a managing partner, with another’s voice proving to be equally as important to determine any given issues.

A fact that you cannot change

Love, remember this. You may have had a fortunate privilege by virtue of serendipity to have met and eventually fallen in love with your future husband but you are meant to be my sister by virtue of irrevocable fate and it remains a fact that you cannot change howsoever insistent you are. So honey, deal with it.

Because of that, in spite of the change of circumstance, it does not take away the fact that you are going to be forever under my care. Protecting you from harm, ensuring your happiness, caring for your needs, and most importantly, loving you as I always do are my duties, amongst others, that I shall never let anyone take, let alone delegate.

As much as I appreciate that someone has so kindly accepted to take on these responsibilities, my decision is final and if there are more than just a man who will guard you against all the possible adversities in life, that is even better. I guess that is something you have to live with, being the only princess wedged between four nasty brothers.

Sweetheart, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, nor does it boast. It is not proud, nor does it dishonour others. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love is not love if none of these is out of reach. Begin your personal crusade to convince God that eternal happiness is in order. You have been a good girl, so I am sure She listens.

Keep finding love and do not stop loving the love of your heart.

My little munchkin, you may have found a man called ‘husband’, but you never had to find a man called ‘brother’. Because he was already born for you, to be with you, and desires to let go of his life to ensure the happiness of yours.

He is here for you as and when you need him. Because he is your brother, and forever will he be.

Forget that not.

Love,

Uda

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AZLAN ABDUL RAZAK is a lawyer who believes in justice and equality. He is also a fervent advocate for women’s rights. -Mkini