SATURDAY JOKES - 78

 

Two psychiatrists with offices in the same building rode the elevator together every morning. Each day, the elevator operator would watch in amazement as one of the psychiatrist spits in the other's face, while the victim did nothing in return.
Finally, the operator stopped the second man after the other had exited and said, "Excuse me, sir, but for three years now I've been watching as that other man spits in your face every day. I just have to ask why you don't ever do anything about it."
"Well," said the shrink, "it's his problem."

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room!

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Ahmad, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Department. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything."

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere!

What is the definition of a yawn?

An honest opinion openly expressed!

 

A father asked his little boy if he knew how a person gets saved. "We'll be saved by going to our church every Sunday,” the boy said without hesitation. 

His father explained that going to their church each week would not save them. 

"Well, then, we better find another church!” replied the boy.

What is the definition of inflation?

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper!

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are separated by a big chain-link fence. 

Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. 

The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!"
"Yeah? What if I don't?" replied Satan.
"I'll sue you if I have to," answered God.
"Sure," laughed Satan. "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

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