Self-leadership: Awaken the giant in you

Not many people realise that they are often their own greatest enemy instead of being their own best ally due to self-limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviour. Take heed of Pogo Possum’s famous statement, “We have seen the enemy, and he is us.”

The million-dollar question, then, is: “Are you truly living by being inner-driven and optimising your potential to attain key goals in life or merely drifting aimlessly and underutilising your God-given talents?

According to research, more than 40% of us have low self-esteem; as much as 77% of our thoughts are negative or counterproductive; and approximately 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail.

Furthermore, many of us regard ourselves as being incompetent, inadequate, unlovable and inferior compared to others. Hence, it is not surprising that the average person uses less than 10% of his or her potential.

According to Marcia Hutchinson, “We are so busy obsessing over what is wrong with us, whether it’s our weight, misproportions, wrinkles, pimples, excess hair or functional limitations - that we fail to develop our potential as human beings.”

Success is our birthright, and to attain it we need to take charge of our thoughts, feelings and actions with a clear sense of direction - self-leadership. Self-leadership empowers one from within to optimise one’s potential, lead a purposeful life, excel in the workplace, and to function productively in society.

In the words of Lao Tzu, “Mastery of others is strength; mastery of self is true power.”

10 tips for practising self-leadership

1. Re-engineer your thoughts as your battles in life are won or lost in your mind. Success is 80% attitude and 20% aptitude as captured in Anton Chekhov’s famous quote, “Man is what he believes.” Hence, visualise success in your career and other aspects of your life. Have and reflect a positive attitude of “I can do it”.

Practise positive self-talk. Challenge and erase your negative beliefs about yourself. Say “Stop” or “Cancel, cancel” aloud when you encounter negative thoughts propagated by your pathological critic - your negative inner voice - instead of thinking about them.

Never underestimate your abilities. Surround yourself with confident and nourishing friends. In the words of Anthony Robbins, “There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.” Remember that you will never know what you can do until you try!

2. Learn to love yourself unconditionally because without self-acceptance, self-esteem - essential for productive functioning - is impossible. Remember that nobody is nobody; everybody is somebody. All of us are unique and endowed with certain strengths and abilities.

Do your best with what God gave you! Avoid dwelling on needless or negative comparisons with others. Improve your personal appearance by dressing differently, losing weight or changing your hairstyle. Accept gracefully what you cannot change.

3. Maintain resilience by recovering quickly from setbacks and adapting yourself to new realities. Persist until you succeed in overcoming a particular adversity. Remember that Thomas Edison discovered the right filament of carbonised thread for the electric light bulb in 1879 after performing about 1,200 experiments!

Read inspirational literature when you are feeling down. Associate yourself with positive or nourishing friends who can recharge your battery.

4. Know the Real You. Be honest with yourself; do not deny painful realities. What are your inner thoughts and feelings? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Complete scientifically validated self-assessment instruments to gain insights into your personality. Practise self-disclosure; check out aspects of yourself that you are uncertain of with close friends or colleagues.

Monitor your general behaviour and assess its impact on other people. Maintain a journal to reflect upon your past experiences. Ask questions such as “What really happened?”, “Why did it happen?”, and “What is the lesson learned?” Capitalise on your strengths and mitigate your weaknesses which impede personal productivity.

5. Assume self-responsibility. Make a firm decision to change for the better. Have a clear and compelling personal mission - your overall purpose in life. Establish challenging and verifiable goals within deadlines which are congruent with your personal mission.

Determine your values - what matters most to you - in terms of how you want to navigate your life. Meaningful values not only facilitate decision making but also clarify what is non-negotiable.

Develop action plans for attaining your goals. For example, what skills or knowledge is required to help you attain your goals? What personal contacts do you need to establish? What are the potential challenges which may be encountered in pursuing your goals?

Take action to transform your goals into reality. Review and monitor progress towards attainment of your goals from time to time. Take corrective action and modify goals if necessary due to changing circumstances.

6. Maintain self-discipline. Concentrate your efforts on attaining your vital few goals. Break challenging tasks into manageable chunks. Make sacrifices and postpone immediate gratification for reaping future dividends.

7. Manage your emotions productively. Empathise with others by being sensitive to their feelings and concern. Hold your temper and make your emotions work for you.

Use “I” messages to express your emotions without putting people on the defensive. Examples are “I feel unappreciated when you take me for granted” and “I feel unimportant when you are late for your appointments with me”. Don’t react impulsively.

Pick an appropriate time for expressing your emotions. State what bothers you clearly, calmly and courteously. Avoid generalising and don’t bring up old grudges. Stay away from destructive labelling such as “You are good for nothing” or “You are totally unreliable.”

8. Manage your time successfully. Prioritise your goals and do top priority work first. Identify your time wasters and get rid of them. Get organised and make a daily “To-Do List”. Continually ask yourself: What is the best use of my time right now?

9. Maintain integrity. Be truthful. Do what is right and not what is personally beneficial. Practise open and honest communication. Honour your promises and commitments. Admit mistakes or errors in judgement. Never violate confidences.

Do not manipulate others to further your own interests. Above all, practise what you preach! Take note of the famous German proverb: “When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.”

10. Be a lifelong learner. Adopt a “growth mindset” - intelligence and talents can be developed. Seek continuous learning and self-development. Strive to become an expert in your chosen field by enhancing relevant knowledge and job-related skills.

Be open to new ideas and constructive criticism which are vital for improving oneself. Read at least one non-fiction book per month. Take online classes or watch educational videos.

To conclude, life is too precious a gift to be wasted. Hence, awaken the giant within you by practising self-leadership which empowers you to optimise your God-given talents and navigate a purposeful life. In this regard, Hillel’s reminder to us is most pertinent: “If you are not for yourself, who will be? If not now, when?"

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RANJIT SINGH MALHI is a widely-quoted authority on self-leadership, peak performance and soft skills. He has written six books on personal excellence, soft skills and management, three of which have been translated into Arabic.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.