Unnecessary hullabaloo over Timah, the whisky

 

You seriously cannot make this stuff up. A bunch of Malaysians who distilled a whisky and named it Timah got into trouble over the name. Some zealous people claimed that name is based on Prophet Muhammad’s daughter Fatimah, which locally is usually shortened to Timah.

The official version of how Timah whisky was named is that the name refers to the other meaning of “timah” in Malay – tin. It harks to the history of Perak, the state which owed its modern origin to tin mining.

Heck, Timah’s makers could have named their whisky Perak, after the state, and saved us all the trouble. But this name would probably have offended historians who would have deemed it to refer to Tun Perak, one of Melaka’s most famous historical statesmen.

Had they named the whisky Tun Perak though, they’d have ended up offending all the historians and all the Tuns too!

It certainly was never an option to call the whisky Silver, which is English for Perak. It would be silly to shout about their whisky Silver winning gold medals in this and that competition overseas.

But why Timah, I wonder?

Even the Consumers Association of Penang (CAP) is up in arms. While we are at it, I wonder why the association is named CAP, which is Malay for brand?

What cap are you promoting, CAP? What brand are you secretly and subliminally pushing to us? Is this meant to insult no-brand people like me? Aren’t all Penangites, myself included, the as-long-as-it’s-cheap-who-cares-about-the-brand type?

The consumer associations must think people are so dumb they’d pay a couple of hundred ringgit for a small bottle thinking it’s branded drinking water. I don’t know where you come from, CAP, but that’s not us Penangites, mate!

Do the consumer associations also think people are so “mudah keliru” – easily confused – that they’ll buy and quaff bottles of this whisky on the basis of it being named after one of Prophet Muhammad’s daughters, possibly thinking that it was an endorsement?

I wonder who first made the connection? The whisky makers themselves are probably high on whisky vapours all the time, but whoever made this connection, may God have mercy on him.

It certainly wasn’t me. I’ve had neighbours named Timah in the kampung, but never, not even in my wildest dreams, have I ever heard the Prophet’s daughter being referred to as Timah.

I’m sure we’ll hear from the Saudis too about how the name of one of their most exalted daughters has been chopped up by Malaysians. I bet they’ve never referred to her as Timah either. They’d be most offended, and rightly so.

Is there an explanation of how the name Fatimah (or its variations – Fatima, Fatema, etc) have been associated with a lot of non-Islamic things, hospitals and even churches? Why have the consumer associations been quiet about these?

For God’s sake, Singapore even named one of their hills Bukit Timah! This being Singapore it’s probably not even a true hill and it’s likely they stole it from Malaysia, but still…

Then we had the issue that the picture of a bearded skullcap-wearing man on the label would further confuse Muslims.

Did the whisky makers infringe on our copyright to skullcaps too? I somehow doubt it because skullcaps are a common and very old religious headwear for Arabs and … Jews.

I’m confused – is it really that easy to confuse people? Times are so confusing…

I can understand the intent of the consumer associations in trying to protect Muslims from sinning by fighting against all alcoholic spirits.

However my late mother, bless her soul, taught me that you gain God’s grace by following His commands. This means you stay away from alcohol because He tests you, and you pass the test.

Just like she taught me that fasting during Ramadan means looking at food and drinks around you and saying “I shall not touch thee”. It doesn’t mean hiding all food and drinks and banning others from eating and drinking.

I’m not quite sure how else to show your worth as a Muslim apart from facing the tests and challenges and proving you are strong enough to withstand them and hence be among the Faithful.

I somehow feel those who’ve spent decades and untold billions in teaching and training and controlling us to be good Muslims have failed. After all that, we’re still as dazed and confused as ever.

This case is very much like that of a swimming teacher who claims to teach you to swim, and then insists the pool be drained so that nobody can drown.

How about the millions of Muslims living in non-Muslim lands surrounded daily by prohibited stuff such as alcohol and pork and gambling and whatnots, and yet manage to live up to their faith? Are they confused?

I have another problem with the whole matter.

It seems like Bahasa Malaysia is being put to evil purposes. Somebody needs to own up for forcing everybody to learn and use Bahasa Malaysia without a clear set of instructions of do’s and don’ts.

Now it’s too late. Everybody speaks the language and treats it as if it’s their own. It’s even being used to give a name for alcohol for goodness sake! That was never the intent.

There should be a list of forbidden words that cannot be used by non-Malays. When we named the language Bahasa Malaysia, some people took it literally and thought the language belongs to them because they’re Malaysians!

We have corrected that of course – we now call it Bahasa Melayu and non-Malays must not speak it or use it without permission. Just stick to English or whatever your mother tongue is.

This is becoming so ridiculous it’s making us a laughing stock all over the world.

I bet the Indonesians, and even the Bangladeshis, too, are laughing their heads off at us Malaysians and the quality of our consumer associations.

I’m sure many at the higher levels of the government are appalled at this turn of events, though some – such as each and every single one of them – are keeping quiet because of their fear of the consumer associations.

I would suggest a way out with an alternative name. What about whisky Bossku?

Bossku originated from Sabah, and is a hybrid word that is at most only half Malay. It’s also associated with people living the good life and who are drunken with wealth and power. I doubt the Consumers Association of Sabah would mind either.

Isn’t that a perfect name for a Malaysian whisky?

Remember, you heard it here first. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.