SATURDAY JOKES - 99

 

Three couples go camping and one couple forgets their tent. So, they decide the men will sleep in one tent, and the women will sleep in the other.
In the middle of the night, John says, "Bob, look at this bloody hard-on I've got. It must be all the fresh air. I'm going over to see my wife."
Bob says, "You want me to come with you?"
John says, "Why the hell would I want you to come with me?"
Bob says, "Because that's my willy you are holding."

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does!

As a senior citizen was driving down the highway, his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him.
“Hassan, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on North-South Highway. Please be careful!”
“It’s not just one car,” said Hassan. “It’s thousands of them!”

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity!

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."

It was a black man.....a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage bin, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.
"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't spoil them."
"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says, "first I want to be white. Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls, beautiful girls sitting on my face! And third, I want plenty to drink.... lots of water.
Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into.....a toilet!



He who smiles in a crisis, has found someone to blame!

A man, his wife, and his son from far away out in the mountains went to a "big city" exclusive hotel. When they got into the lobby, they were directed to the front desk to check in. While the wife is taking care of "the paper work," the man is looking all around at the amazing things they have. One that catches his eyes is a recess in the wall with a crack down the middle. Just then, an elderly woman walks up, pushes a button next to the recess, and the wall opens up to a small room! She walks in and the wall closes, while lights above the secret doors flash along the top. They begin flashing in the other direction, and moments later the wall opens up and a shapely young lady, sexy dressed, sashays out, walking by the man and his son whose eyes and jaws dropped, followed her by.
The man looks back at the doors in the wall. "Boooyyy", says the man to his son... "Go get your mother!"

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