An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The
Ticket Agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?" The old
farmer said, "That's my pet rooster, Chucky . Wherever I go, Chucky goes."
I
am sorry, Sir," said the Ticket Agent . "We can't allow animals in
the theatre."
The
old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls. He
returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theatre .
He
sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The
movie started and the rooster began to squirm . The old farmer unbuttoned his
fly so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie .
"Marge,"
whispered Mildred . "What?" said Marge
"I
think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What
makes you think so?" asked Marge .
"He
undid his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred .
"Well,
don't worry about it," said Marge.
"
At our age we've seen them all"
"I
thought so too," said Mildred,
But
this one is eating my popcorn!"
The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly!
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning
and was thinking about various things.
“Mommy,
mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.
“He
thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a
good answer to her husband’s baldness.
Johnny
thought for a few second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success!
Two nuns were driving down a country road when
they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse and a farmer gave them some
gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy
to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car.
As they
were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a
minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, "Excuse
me, sisters. I'm not of your religion, but I couldn't help admiring your
faith..."
Two
old friends met for the first time in several years. They had a good talk and
one asked, "Is your wife still as pretty as ever?"
"She
sure is," the other replied. "It just takes her longer!"
What
happens when you boil a funny bone?
It
becomes a laughing stock.
A Farmer walked into an attorney's office
wanting to file for a divorce.
The
Attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The
Farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
The
Attorney said, "Do you have any grounds?"
The
Farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."
The
Attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
The
Farmer said, "No, I got a BMW."
The
Attorney said, "No, you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The
Farmer said, "Yeh, I got a grudge, that's where I park my BMW."
The
Attorney said, "No Sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The
Farmer said, "Yes Sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church every Sunday."
The
Attorney said, "Well Sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The
Farmer said, "No Sir, we both get up at 4:30 am together."
The
Attorney then said, "Well is she a nagger or anything?"
The
Farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal but our last kid was a nagger
and that's why I want this Dayvorce!"
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