SATURDAY JOKES - 182

 

Puncak Jalil, Seri Kembangan, Selangor.

Two Orang Asli (native) living in the remotest part of Pahang were visiting Kuala Lumpur for the first time to attend a meeting. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drinks. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside. 

One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into the MRT entrance. When the first guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the MRT subway stairs.

"Where have you been?" he slurred.

"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

 

Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?

A: He didn't want to split hairs!

 

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin that you truly regret?"

"Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. 

"He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas!"

 

Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? 

A: I want you inside me!

 

A squirrel was sitting in an apple tree. All of a sudden, a cow started climbing up the tree. Surprised to see a climbing cow the squirrel asked the newcomer, "What the heck are you doing here?"
The cow replied, "I thought I'd eat some oranges."
"But this is an apple tree."

"I know. I brought my own!"

Q: What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? 

A: Chewing gum!

 

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open-air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

He replied, "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk!"

 

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old daughter came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied ... "but what is growing in your butt?"

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