Is it hard to practise tolerance, understanding, forgiveness?

 

How do we as a nation and society progress and mature? I believe this will happen once everybody in the country is able to talk about issues, especially the sensitive ones, without being triggered and offended.

For that to happen, we the people need to also have a lot of tolerance, understanding, and empathy because we live in a multiracial, multireligious, and multicultural country.

There are just too many different kinds of people who are Malaysians and because of the many differences that we have, we cannot assume that we know exactly how to respect each other’s beliefs and culture.

We can try but we can’t be perfect about it. That’s why it would be best to just realise we are all not perfect, give a bit of leeway and assume the best in people.

For example, how many people out there who aren’t Chinese know that writing a person’s name in red ink is considered taboo? It is related to death, and usually, red ink is only used to write the names of dead people. If you write the name of a living person in red ink, it is akin to wanting them dead and this is considered highly disrespectful.

I didn’t know about this even though I am part Chinese. I had to learn about this the hard way - during a public book signing when I was launching one of the books I had written. I had brought along a red Sharpie marker for the event and was happily signing away when a Chinese lady I was signing a book for decided to inform me of my disrespectfulness.

She wasn’t rude about it and was, in fact, very nice. She smiled and explained to me why it was considered taboo.

Honest mistakes

I felt horrible and apologised profusely. She laughed and said that it was okay since I didn’t know and assured me that I had nothing to worry about now that her book had a dedication written to her in red ink. But I was still horrified thinking about all the books I had signed before hers.

I am sure that many who had their books signed by me were shocked that I was using a red marker but were probably too polite to say anything to me or were just very forgiving and understanding, assuming that I just did not know.

To all these people, I truly apologise and thank you for being so graciously forgiving. I know now that I will never make that mistake anymore.

When I was studying in the UK, one of my classmates (a Taiwanese) offered me and my Indonesian friend (also a Muslim like me) a drink in the afternoon during Ramadan. We thanked her but said we couldn’t because we were fasting.

She was shocked and apologised profusely. She knew we were fasting but she thought that fasting only meant not eating and that drinking water was allowed.

She felt so bad that she kept apologising and also repeatedly explained that she couldn’t imagine not drinking water for the entire day and that it must have been hard for us.

My friend and I totally understood where she was coming from. Although she knew about Islam, her exposure to the religion and Muslims was very limited before coming to the UK to study. She didn’t know and she made an honest mistake.

We just laughed it off and told her not to worry about it. We were the ones choosing to fast and she didn’t know the practices of our religion.

As Muslims, we needed to understand that about her and also to realise that she meant no offence when she offered us a drink. And the fact that she apologised after that meant that we should never blame her for being disrespectful.

Violence, anger cannot be first instinct

I was always taught that Islam is a religion of peace and forgiveness. There are many stories of the Prophet Muhammad forgiving people who disrespected him and Islam intentionally, what more towards people who do so unintentionally.

The Prophet is well known to preach that Islam teaches us to be tolerant, patient and understanding and I think we should try hard to practise that.

I was also always taught that when faced with disrespect, we need to respond with knowledge, kindness, and patience. As Muslims, when we show these positive behaviours, it only reflects well on us and by default, our religion.

Violence and anger should never be the first line of response towards anything. I would like to call on everyone to be more tolerant and understanding.

I don’t want to sound all “holier than thou” because I am only human and have made many mistakes, as we all are and have. However, I have been fortunate to be surrounded by people who were willing to forgive and enlighten me through my mistakes.

So, I would like to try my best to pay that forward and also treat others how I have been treated. How about it, fellow Malaysians? - Mkini

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ZAN AZLEE is a writer, documentary filmmaker, journalist and academic. Visit fatbidin.com to view his work.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.