Parents of autistic children find fellowship and hope over nasi lemak

Luqman serving one of the cafe’s daily meals – white rice, homemade sambal and a mixed vegetable dish.

PUCHONG: Mohd Adli Yahya knew quite early on that there was something amiss with his son, Luqman, who did not act like his other children.

Then, at the age of two Luqman was diagnosed as autistic.

Coming to terms with having a “disabled” son was hard. Adli now admits he was in denial for a long time.

Luqman Shariff, now 19, suffers from autism spectrum disorder (ASD), or autism. It’s known as a “spectrum” disorder because there is wide variation in the type and severity of symptoms people experience.

Many autistic children do not like hugging or other displays of affection, which can be devastating for their parents.

In Luqman’s case he was virtually unable to communicate orally and had trouble focusing on things.

While each autistic person differs, the parents all have similar reactions to each other, from initial confusion and desperation, through denial and guilt, to acceptance and a desire to do what they can to improve their child’s chances in life.

Mohd Adli Yahya (left), Luqman’s father, at The Autism Project Cafe in Puchong. What started as a way to give Luqman a chance to assimilate into society has become a huge success.

Other parents of autistic children will sigh sympathetically when Adli says that Luqman sometimes exhausted and exasperated him so much that he prayed someone would offer to take over for just an hour so that he could rest.

He could not bear Luqman’s silences. “If I asked him to look at me, unlike normal kids he wouldn’t. So I would get angry. But I didn’t realise that he had problems focusing.”

As he got older, Luqman started avoiding his father and would not sit next to him.

“Those were horrible times. At one point, we were so far apart that we were not like father and son anymore.”

Adli decided it was up to him to change his ways.

He knew that his son would probably outlive him, and his five other children would be busy raising their own families, so Luqman needed to learn the skills to survive and be as independent as possible.

Adli, like other caring parents, did his research. He learned that although ASD can be a lifelong disorder, treatments and services can improve a person’s symptoms and ability to function.

Speaking to FMT, Adli, who is now an autism advocate, said he noticed his son was fascinated with water. Luqman would spend hours in a pool, he said. So they tried their luck at washing cars and working at a launderette, both of which involved plenty of water. Neither seemed viable as a long-term development project.

Adli hit on the idea of opening a cafe for Luqman to work in. There’s always lots of things to be washed in a café, he reasoned, which should keep Luqman interested and busy.

He gave up his job as a Standard Chartered Foundation executive director and threw himself into the café project.

The Autism Project Cafe, located at the 1M4U complex in Puchong, opened in 2016. The plan was for autistics like Luqman to interact with customers, take orders and do small chores.

Luqman’s fascination with water led his father to think of several ways to use this to his advantage, one of which was to wash dishes and serve meals at a cafe for autistics like him.

Luqman started by washing dishes and cleaning tables. Working at the cafe made him happier and gave him a chance to mingle.

Since then, the café has been operated by 15 autistic teenagers.

The food they dish up is made at home by Adli’s wife and arrives packed and ready. She prepares a variety of Malaysian dishes and snacks, including nasi lemak, roti jala with chicken curry, curry puffs, and rice noodles.

The location and set up of the shop worked in Adli’s favour. The cafe is small, within an enclosed and secure area. Inside, it has an island-style kitchen where customers can help out. It’s a friendly and supportive atmosphere.

The business has since branched out to part-time catering and a second cafe in Shah Alam. A third branch is expected to open next month.

Making huge profits is not what the cafe is about. Adli said the whole point of opening it is so autistics like Luqman can learn to assimilate into society and do things on their own.

Parents have a role to play in making this a reality. Adli advises those who want to bring their autistic kids to the cafe to first let their children help out at home, even if it is just stirring a pot.

The café also acts as therapy for frazzled parents by being the place they can meet other parents who are in their position and realise they are not so alone after all.

Adli said parents of autistic youngsters must learn to manage their expectations. Something as simple as enjoying washing dishes is a positive step.

“Most can use their talents to make a living, but we have to guide them.

“If Luqman can be a dishwasher for the rest of his life, then I’ll be happy. I don’t expect anything too much from him, and this will give him a decent living.”

Luqman himself works there every week, and when he is at home he helps out with labelling or packaging, which he also enjoys.

“Instead of sitting in the house doing nothing, he can get involved in doing something productive, no matter how small it may be. It is a way to help fine-tune his motor skills,” Adli explained.

The project is a success story. Several autistic teenagers who worked at the cafe have gone on to work at hypermarkets or do their own catering programs, Adli said.

He recalled how one autistic teenager who had worked at the cafe in the past surprised him when they met at a Tesco branch.

“He tapped me on the shoulder and told me he was working there now. He was talking just like you and I are talking,” Adli said. “How does one describe that feeling?”

Adli and Luqman have since travelled to Sarawak, Kedah and Johor for speaking engagements. They also visit universities, schools and malls for their catering business.

Instead of trying to get people to understand what it is like being autistic or growing up with someone who shows symptoms, Adli takes Luqman along and shares their difficult story.

“For years Luqman rejected me. I tried to make amends and I eventually won him back,” he said, adding that this is the story he tells people during his autism-related talks every week.

Luqman enjoys making bracelets, which are sold at the cafe along with other packed goodies made by autistic kids around the country.

The future now seems bright for Luqman. He also makes bracelets at home and sells them at the cafe, and he is now able to wait at the bus stop on his own – with his father keeping an unobtrusive eye on him.

One of the best spinoffs of the café project is that not only do the youngsters have somewhere to develop their social and employment skills, but their parents also have a supportive environment where they can meet other parents of special children, swap stories and see that they are not alone. - FMT