THE LIGHTER SIDE OF COVID-19 – THE GREAT MUHYIDDIN FIASCO: OF REAL VILLAINS & FAKE SUPERHEROES

The world is currently under siege, reeling from an alien attack so vicious and deadly, that people are dropping like flies.  Covid-19 or its maiden name SARS COV-2 is deadlier than SARS, Ebola, MERS or H1N1 based on the higher number of casualties. It is also more virulent as studies have shown that the virus is present as far as 4 metres from an infected person. Covid has been found under shoe soles and stuck to hairs of animals and people.

Some patients that survived COVID attest of being hit by a truck and the intolerable excruciating pain one they had to endure, while some asymptomatic people will go through life without realizing that they had the virus.

Currently the United States of America has become the world leader in Covid Infections based on the highest number of infections and daily death tolls, led by a great leader President Donald Trump, while New York has become the undisputed Covid Capital of the world. Sadly, all the Superheroes who once protected New Yorkers in the past are unable to lift a finger to save them now.

Superheroes and Villains

Superman keeps running in out of telephone booths unsure of how to confront the virus. Spiderman is busy weaving webs over and over in his apartment unable to figure a way to eliminate the covid threat. The lumbering giant Hulk is too big to strike a tiny virus with success. Agents of SHIELD and the Avengers can only look on helplessly, while Ironman needs to wear a N95 mask and stay indoors to keep himself from being infected.

Yes, Covid is more horrifying than even Dracula the Vampire, as Dracula kills only an average of 365 people a year while Covid’s death toll is averaging 7000 a day. Besides Dracula is known to hunt in the jungles for wild pigs, deer, cows and other animals as he too gets tired of just human blood. He is also known to keep supplies of chicken blood in his fridge for emergencies or for wining and dining when he is awake from his coffin.

The Werewolf is even more tame compared to Covid as it only hunts during the full moon, so humans who practice stay at home policies during the full moon is pretty safe.

Zombies are even easier to eliminate as we can smell them a mile away, and it is so much fun to blast them away or behead them before they eat you up. And if you are eaten by zombies, you can still hit the reset button and start all over again.

That’s why Covid is so deadly as they are invisible body snatchers, using our body as hosts turning it into a mass production factory to replicate millions of new viruses every day. The virus is literally eating our bodies alive.

In Malaysia we have the Oily Man (orang minyak) and the Pontianak Vampire, but both feed so infrequently, that Malaysians have forgotten that they even exist.

And lately, we have a Bomoh who claims to be able to cast the Covid Virus into bottles and drown them with water.

World War 3

Today, the pandemic is like World War 3, with nearly two hundred nations fighting alongside each other against the invisible enemy, while the casualties keep piling up. The G7 nuclear nations are also helpless with their puny nuclear weapons. Even the US and French Aircraft Carriers which are the mightiest war arsenal are disabled and inoperative while Covid attacks the crew from the inside.

Cruise Ships are floating petri dishes for Covid to multiply while Covid targets large congregations like lame ducks. The Tablighi Missionary Group in India, Pakistan and Malaysia are being hunted down like rats, as they are not heeding the call to report for testing as they seem to fear God more than the virus.

Unlike a conventional war, where our soldiers fight on our behalf, we instead have to personally fight this war all alone, with our own antibodies and our immunity system. It’s a slow death but many will survive and hopefully not re-infected again.

It comes like a thief in the night to steal our souls. Our loved ones will not be there to hold our hands, or console us on our death bed, and many will leave this world without any last words for our dearly beloved. What a cruel way to go.

But surprisingly, in Malaysia, according to MOH statistics, we have a 98 percent chance of beating the odds and survive, so all is not lost. But unless we heed the call to Stay At Home, we too may become part of the statistics.

However, the war is far from being won. With over a million infections and a hundred thousand deaths which will multiply like a runaway pyramid scheme, Covid seems to be unstoppable.

Countries like USA, Italy, Spain, China, Iran and South Korea are like war zones with front liners caving in from exhaustion, thousands of bodies piling up in Stadiums, town halls, parking lots and refrigerated trucks everywhere, while burial plots are running out of space to bury them.

Army trucks trundle through the night picking up bodies from city streets in Italy and Equador and nursing homes everywhere. The Stench of death is seeping through underneath the doors, while frontline doctors and nurses are also dropping like flies. All this is happening without even one bullet being fired. So much for billions spent on hi tech weapons which have proven useless against the virus.

Meanwhile Indonesia, India, Pakistan, Turkey and the African Continent are projected to turn into new epi-centers.

Maybe the real superheroes should be the mosquito, from which we have invented anti-malarial drugs or even the wild African monkeys which gave us HIV drugs that proven effective to stem the Covid march. Maybe it is time to learn to respect animals and insects which have paved the way for us to save humanity.

Mother Nature

Philosophers tells us Mother Nature has finally retaliated and is taking over before humans destroy this world for good. On the lighter side, with the world locking down, badly polluted cities which have gradually poisoned and killed of city dwellers faster than the virus, are now reporting blue skies and clean fresh alpine air. Rivers and Seas are now cleaner and clearer and wildlife are venturing closer to human civilizations. Clearly, humans have failed to protect the Earth and the Earth would probably be better off, when all humans are exterminated.

The effects of Lockdown

The global lockdown aimed to flatten the curve, has completely changed the way we live our lives. While protecting us from the virus, it has led to the loss of millions of jobs worldwide. Many migrants, refugees and the poor are starting to go hungry which will lead to an increase in the crime rate.

On the lighter side, parents get to bond with their children, while couples with fertile imaginations will have more quality time together which may lead to a baby boom.

Our Clown Ministers

Sometimes, the pandemic does bring out the true colors of some of clown Ministers. Politically, bored Malaysians gets to be entertained by the crude antics of our backdoor Ministers, rolling on the floor laughing their asses of at the antics of the Warm Water Minister who thought that the Covid Infection had plateaued even before it reached 500 cases.

And the Tik Tok Minister that went like these: “Jangan merayau-rayau (Don’t go wandering). Stay at home. Kita buat TikTok, siapa paling creative. Saya ada hadiah menarik untuk anda (Let’s do TikTok videos. I have an interesting prize for the most creative), ” she says in the video.

Not to mention the Doraemon Minister who implored the spouse to speak in a high squeaky voice like Doreamon.

Or the PAS Minister who was more concerned with sexy airline uniforms, domestic abuse video and child marriage than the Covid threat.

And what about the infamous Semburit Traitor who thinks haircuts will not spread the virus any further.

and most of all the Minister who was clowning in a Hazmat Suit Minister during the MCO period.

Religion seems helpless and quiet in this situation. We see no mass healing ceremonies, and no answers from the men of the cloth. All they can offer is feeble excuses that Satan is more hardworking than usual, and our Faith in God is our only hope. But without Church or other religious faithful’s congregating, there’s no more donations or money, causing some religious establishments to collapse and contemplating applying for government Stimulus Package. So even religious institutions need government aid.

All this is just the beginning and the second episode will be even more horrifying, gut wrenching, eye opening and heart breaking. Would there be light at the end of the tunnel or Is it really the beginning of end as many of us would want to put it?

WRITER: Sammy Chin