THURSDAY JOKES - 48

 

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small willy.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied, "The rest are for your father."

I was sitting at a bar with a friend the other night when he casually pointed across the bar from us and said, "see those two old drunks sitting there...that's going to be us in ten years."
I looked at him and said, "that's a mirror, stupid!"

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.
The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"
George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.
The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush, I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

"Did you tell her that what you said to her was in strict confidence?"
"No, I didn't want her to think it was important enough to repeat."

"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for the last twenty years!"

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared who stated, "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said, "I'd like there to be a just and lasting peace among the people in the Middle East."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, let them ask for sensible changes before I start writing the programs and no changes after I start."
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

I have one cup of coffee every morning to start the day off right...
The other ones are to keep me out of jail, help me form sentences, and fuel my razor-sharp wit!

After dating a young lady for some time, a young man decides it is time to marry her. 
He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally, the day comes.
On the day of the wedding, the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However, the pastor has a plan. 
The service proceeds as planned the vows are exchanged etc. Now it is time for the groom to kiss his bride. The pastor sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask to be paid. He pulls the young man aside and asks him. Can you please pay me?
Not wanting to create a seen the young man asked. How much do I owe you?
The pastor thinks quickly and replies, pay me according to your wife's beauty.
The young man discreetly pulled out five ringgit and gave it to the pastor. 
Although annoyed by this, the pastor continues the ceremony and says; you may now kiss the bride. At this point, the veil is lifted from the bride's face to allow the groom to kiss her. As the groom is about to kiss his new bride, the pastor interrupts and promptly hands the groom a sum of four ringgit and fifty sen.

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