THURSDAY JOKES - 53

 

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older.
"Well," argued the doctor, "without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession."
"No," said the engineer, "before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create some semblance of order from this chaos. So engineering is older."
"But," chirped the triumphant politician, "who created the chaos?

How do white fairy tales start? "Once upon a time,"
How do black fairy tales start? "Nuts, you aren't going to believe this!"

My eye doctor told me this, so I'm not making this up. 

He goes, you know you have one eye set a little bit higher than your other eye? 

No, I didn't know that. 

He goes, it's no big deal; it doesn't affect your vision or anything. 

I just thought you might want to be self-conscious for the rest of your life.

My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn’t know he could!

In order to pay his medical school tuition, a student was working two jobs over the summer. One was as a butcher's assistant and the other as a hospital orderly, both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.
One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye, and screamed, "God save me! It's the butcher!"

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it. The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen coop at the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time, he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up.
"No, no" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.
"No, no" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up?
"No, no" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up.

A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We, Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire".
...and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly,
"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

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