A man
walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that
I can bite my right eye."
The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've
never seen anyone do that!" So, the man takes out his glass eye and bites
it.
The
angry bartender pays the man his fifty ringgit and the man walks away.
He comes back half an hour later and says,
"I bet you fifty ringgit I can bite my left eye."
Now the bartender becomes really skeptical.
She says, "I just saw you walk in here - you cannot be blind!"
So, he takes out his fake teeth and bites his
left eye.
The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.
A farmer
and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading
the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her,
"Did
you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"
She
looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Why don't you prove
it."
He
frowns for a moment, then says, "Okay."
He
then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About
a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, "Well
I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that goat is always bleating,
how can you tell?"
Harlow
was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife
Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot
on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting
on a customer.
When
Carl was finished, Mary asked how much for the teapot.
Carl
replied, "That's silver and it costs 500 ringgit!"
"My
goodness, that sure is a lot of money!" Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded
to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the
back room to find it.
From
the back-room Carl yelled, "Mary, do you want a screw for that hinge?"
Mary
replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
This
is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store.
Never
criticize someone unless you walk a mile in his or her shoes, and then when you
criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have his or her shoes!
Two
tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind
of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: "Hey, cut it
out." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five
minutes later the rear tiger licks the other's backside again. The front tiger
gets angry, but the other tiger just apologizes.
After
another five minutes, he does it again. The front tiger turns and says:
"What is it with you? I told you to stop." The other tiger says:
"I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the
taste out of my mouth."
A young boy had just obtained his driver's
permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from
a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk
about the car."
Well,
the boy thought about that for a moment, and settle for the offer, and they
agreed on it. After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father
said, "Son, I've been really proud. You've brought your grades up, and
I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot
more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't
cropped your hair."
The
young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been
thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson
had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's
even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair also."
To
this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere
they went?"
A proud
and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot.
The
genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the
answer, you have to give me 5 ringgit. And if you ask me a question and I can't
answer yours I will give you 5,000 ringgit."
The
idiot says, "Okay."
The
genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The
idiot doesn't know and hands over the 5 ringgit.
The
idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with
three?"
The
genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over
the 5,000 ringgit.
The
genius says, "Hang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your
question?"
The
idiot hands over 5 ringgit.
After a few years of married life, this guy
finds that he is unable to perform in bed anymore. He goes to his doctor, and
his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally,
the doctor says to him, "This is all in your mind", and refers him to
a psychiatrist.
After
a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to
how you could possibly be cured."
Finally,
the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.
The
witch doctor tells, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a
flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says,
"This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you
have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The
guy then asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over?"
The
witch doctor says, "All you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But
be warned it will not work again for a year!"
The
guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good
news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he
gets a massive erection.
His
wife turns over and says, "What did you say '123' for?"
As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will
help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.