A noted
sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their
encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.
To
prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people and goes down the line,
asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the
therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line,
who is grinning from ear to ear.
"Twice
a day," the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no.
"Once
a day, then?" Again, the answer is no.
"Twice
a week?"
"No."
"Twice
a month?"
"No."
The
man finally says yes when the doctor gets to "once a year."
The
therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the man, "What
the heck are you so happy about?"
The man answers, "Tonight's the night!"
The
Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much.
The
study revealed that this is due to the fact that 'Won Ton' spelled backward is
'Not Now'.
The four
stages of a man's life...
1.
You believe in Santa Claus
2.
You don't believe in Santa Claus
3.
You are Santa Claus
4.
You look like Santa Claus
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar.
When it's good, it's good.
When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep!
I'd like a game show with millionaires on it,
and they have to play with their own money.
They can't win money and they can only lose
until one of them goes completely broke.
The show is called "Haha, Now You're Poor Again."
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down
the hill?
A: To get to the bottom!
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but
couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll,
she came upon a gentleman in her neighbourhood who had the most beautiful
garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The
woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so
red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of
my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red
from blushing so much."
Well,
the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her
tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed
her garden hoping for the best.
One
day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did
you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
No",
she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous!
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