A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and
when asked what was the problem, she responded, "well, whenever I take off
my clothes, my nipples get hard."
Shocked,
the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?"
"Yes"
quite innocently came her reply.
"Undress
so I can check" replied the amazed doctor.
So,
she undressed, and he got down to feeling and massaging, trying to find an
answer.
After
some considerable time, the doctor still looked puzzled, said, "Well
madame, I don't know what you have, but sure as hell, it is highly contagious!"
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?
Shouldn't
they be wearing nightgowns?
Why is a
person who plays the piano called a pianist while a person who drives a race
car is not called a racist?
'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in
the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
A
recent widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's
tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she
attempted to get the engraver to change the carving. This was impossible; the
words were chiseled and could not be changed.
"In
that case, please add" she said, "Until We Meet Again."
An elderly
couple was in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband,
"I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"
The
husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use?
Toothpicks?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats
in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man,
"Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but
didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir,"
the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call
the manager."
Again,
the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly
back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher
and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried
repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The
cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's
your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where are from,
Sam?" the cop asked.
And
with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
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