Caught in tug-of-love, a father pines for his little girl

 

Veeramohan Dorairaja and his seven-year-old daughter, whom he has not seen since Nov 30, 2019.

PETALING JAYA: Like many other divorced fathers, Veeramohan Dorairaja, 50, is fighting an uphill battle to see his daughter, now aged seven, after losing custody to his wife two years ago. All he sees of her now is on a video call – which lasts only seconds, he says.

Fed up with being denied access to his daughter, he filed suit against his former wife, but lost. He now plans to appeal.

His plight is similar to that of other divorced men, says Faleigh Sheikh Mansor, co-founder of the Fathers’ Rights Association of Malaysia. He said the probability of fathers securing joint custody of their children was extremely low, and primary custody would almost always be granted to mothers.

Veeramohan, also known as Chris, says he has not not seen his daughter since November 2019. “Every morning I wake up thinking of her and it’s just really sad that I don’t get to see her. It has been really tough.”

After his divorce was finalised in June 2019, he was granted unsupervised visiting rights to be with his daughter at a shopping mall for three hours on Saturdays, and a weekly 15-minute video call.

However, the weekly visits did not take place, he said, and accused his former wife of making excuses to avoid letting him see his daughter.

“My ex-wife would always have reasons such as my daughter is sick, she’s attending a family function or that she’s going on a holiday. She would also tell me to come by another day but it always coincided with my working hours,” said Chris, a former hotel manager.

He took her to court for contempt by denying him the right to see his daughter. but the case was unsuccessful as an affidavit was not filed. He has filed an appeal.

“The last time I saw my daughter physically was in November 2019. A loving father should not go through this,” he said.

“My daughter is now seven, I should be spending quality time with her. I’m missing out on so many moments of her life. I don’t get to be there when she needs me and I can’t even provide her with emotional support.

“Our weekly 15-minute video calls last only a few seconds. It was going well until May. Now she only says ‘Hi’ and hangs up. I can’t even have meaningful conversations with my daughter. It’s ridiculous.”

He urged all divorced fathers to fight for automatic shared custody after a divorce “as this is the only way to never lose the children”.

Sheikh Faleigh said Malaysia’s family law should be changed.

“In most cases, the rights and custody will go to the mother. It is painful to learn that fathers have limited visiting rights, such as a weekly 15-minute video call, or three to four hours per month to be with their children.

“Some fathers are more fortunate and are granted overnight stays on alternate weekends.

“Is that fair? Is it sufficient for child-father bonding? Is this what we mean by family law justice?

“As much as mothers have the right to be with their children, a father has the same rights naturally. Most importantly, the child has the most rights to be with both parents.

“Children should have the freedom to be with their fathers,” he said. - FMT