SATURDAY JOKES - 94

 

I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder!"

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework!"

 

I only know 25 letters of the English alphabet. 

I don't know y!

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-medical student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots like you out of medical school!"

On a chilly winter evening, a husband and wife were snuggled together on the floor watching television. During a commercial break, he reached over and gave her foot a gentle squeeze.
"Mmmmm," she said. "That's so sweet."
"Actually," he admitted sheepishly, "It was the remote."

 

Have you heard about the chocolate record player? 

It sounds pretty sweet!

 

Melvyn and Max were left quite a large plot of land by their rich father. However, this caused the two sons much grief. For months they argued long and hard over how the land should be divided between them. The solution just wasn't that simple, so they took the problem to their priest.
"Father," said Melvyn, "can you please help us solve our problem?"
As soon as he had heard their case, Father Murphy said, "Come back tomorrow and we'll talk again."
The next day, Melvyn and Max returned and the priest gave them his solution. He gave Max a coin and said, "You can toss the coin."
"And you," said Father Murphy to Melvyn, "can call it, heads or tails. Whoever wins the toss will divide the land."
"But that won't work," said Max, "we'll be right back from where we started."
"But not," said Father Murphy, "if the one who wins the toss divides the land and the other one gets the first choice!"

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