SUNDAY JOKES - 106

 

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." 

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" 

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, press this shirt!"

What do you call a marathon if all the runners are transvestites? 

A drag race!

There once was a man named Sweeney.
He spilled some gin on his weenie.
That being uncouth,
He dipped it in vermouth,
And slipped his wife a dry martini!

Why are there no women on the moon? 

Because it doesn't need to be cleaned

There are some girls that like to do something called "homie hopping" and homie hopping is basically a girl dates a guy and then she ends up trying to get with his friends and then she gets with someone new, then jumps to his other friends, and so on. 

Guys love this and it's called "testing the waters!"

What is the mating call of a blonde? 

I'm so drunk! 

What is the mating call of a brunette? 

Is that blonde gone yet? 

What is the mating call of a redhead? 

NEXT!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe out of that thing?

I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? 

My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. 

She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” 

If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. 

Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match!

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