SUNDAY JOKES - 107

 

A very fat man goes into a fast-food restaurant and orders his food. 

The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. 

Finally, his food is ready. 

The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him, "Sorry about your weight!"

Man: I want to give myself to you.

Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts!

A man sitting at a bar asked a pretty woman sitting next to him, Excuse me but I can smell your private part?" 

"Get away from me, you pervert," she replied. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," exclaims the man, "It must be your feet!"

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So, brunettes can remember them!

Tom: "Were you born on the highway?"
Jerry: "Uh no, why?"
Tom: "Because that's where most accidents happen!"

A husband says to his wife, "You know, our son got his brain from me." 

The wife replies, "I think he did. I still got mine with me!"

One woman I was dating called and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." 

I went over. 

Nobody was home!

A guy is sitting at a bar and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. 

The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. 

An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here" and shrugs it off. 

After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" 

The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!"

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