TUESDAY JOKES - 107

 

God is a woman!

I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female and only one man. 

Then he would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. 

Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him!

How do you make your wife do anything for you?

Answer: Take away her Credit Card!

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the buffalo give you?"
Student: "Steak!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

My friend thinks he is very smart. 

He told me an onion is the only food that makes him cry, so I threw a coconut at his face!

Five girls were going to the prom, the first girl says my boyfriend has brown hair so I will wear a brown dress; the second girl says my boyfriend has blonde hair so I will wear a blonde dress; the third girl says my boyfriend has ginger hair so I will wear a ginger dress; the fourth girl says my boyfriend has multi-coloured hair so I will wear a multi-coloured dress and last girl says my boyfriend has no hair!

What is the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snowballs!!

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," 

The answer to that is, "That's the point!"

A Husband calls to his wife:
"Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me all over and done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it did not cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg and they think they may have to amputate my right foot."
Wife’s Response:
"Who's the bitch, Paula?"

And if you find that hard to believe, you've never been married!

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