WEDNESDAY HOLIDAY JOKES - 106

 

A tough-looking group of hairy bikers is riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. 

While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" 

She does and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. 

After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" 

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl!..."

What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild? 

Money!

A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. 

"Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" “Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" 

At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" 

Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!"

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? 

When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for RM 1,000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." 

Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you going to bite them?" 

He replies, "No, it's too expensive!"

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? 

Women!

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. 

Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. 

But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other!

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars and then he’d tell him the answer. 

The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money, sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” 

He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell Ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” 

Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell, yes, I would. I’d be rich!”

When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer!”

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