Malacca was a roadside toilet-stop

By John Doe

If one were to drive from KL to Singapore, would one stop in Malacca? Unless you needed to piss or shit really badly, you would just drive through, am I right? Similarly, if one were to drive from Singapore to Penang, would you stop at Malacca? Look at the Malacca River. It is far too small to be useful.

In comparison, look at the Muar River, the Lembah Bujang River, and the Singapore River. According to Sejarah Melayu, the Singapore Port was already famous during Raja Secander Shah's grandfather's time. It was wide, and the waters are deep.

Now contrast this to the Malacca River. It is extremely narrow, and does not permit ships to go up or down. Some have argued that the ships could have parked outside. GREAT !! Why call yourself a car-park, when you have to park outside? Why buy submarines which cannot go underwater? Why not open a "Self-service Massage Center" and claim fame? Korek Korek Korek !!!

*Hint: Use Google Maps to compare the river sizes, and tell me that the Malacca River does not look like a Longkang !

And while on the topic, do also look at how all the other Empires built their Kingdoms far away from the sea. See how far inland Angkor, Ayudthaya, Lopburi, Sukkhothai, Pegu, Bagan, Borrobudor and so on were. These real Kingdoms had real brains.

By building the Capital so far inland, they reduced the risk of a Naval attack. Instead, Malacca had the IQ of a door-nail. "Let's build it right next to the sea, so that 30 pitiful ships can beat our 100,000 fighting men".

Malacca was massively losing money for the Dutch. In fact, it contributed to making the VOC go bankrupt ! Go read up on how the Malacca River had to be chained up every night, so that the Bugis Pirates would not loot the place. And how the sailors had to sleep on their ships for fear of the same reason. This sounds so much like how the Malaysian Police had to move their Station away from Chow Kit area, because it was too dangerous for the Police. GREAT !!

Also read up on how the Sultan of Malacca went bankrupt, and how Nina Chatu had to loan him money all the time. And when the Sultan refused to repay him, Nina Chatu went to the Portuguese for help. Fortunately, the greedy Sultan decided to attack the Portuguese ship for not paying "toll" (aka extortion money) on the way to Hoi An (in Vietnam). The Portuguese went after the goods on their own, and decided to bypass the "Ketuanan Malacca".

To cut a long story short, the Portuguese sent 30 ships to COLONIZE Malacca. They then wrote wonderful things about Malacca as a Strategic Defense Center, so that they could get more Military funding. Don't forget that the Napoleonic Wars were just around the corner. It helps if Malaysians had maps which extend a little more than Singapore and Hadyai. It also helps if Malaysians started learning a little more about other countries.

Try this simple Trivia-Challenge:

Name 10 countries which have NEVER played in any World Cup before (without looking their names up anywhere)

Back to the stupid Dutch, who thought what they Portuguese wrote about Malacca was true, and decided to conquer Malacca themselves. The Dutch realized very quickly, that Malacca was not worth it, and set up heir HQ in Jakarta instead. Google all you want, and you will notice how the Dutch were simply not interested in Malacca.

Anyway, when the VOC went bankrupt, they begged the British to take over Malacca. The Anglo-Dutch Treaty of 1824, also known as the Treaty of London, was a treaty signed between the United Kingdom and the Netherlands in London on 17 March 1824.

If UMNO is too dumb to read, then can someone please print a copy of the Anglo-Dutch Treaty for them. Knowing UMNO, they would probably claim that the Dutch never colonized Malacca either.... They Dutch traded Malacca for Bencoolen. (remember Bencoolen Street anyone?)

Just remember that the Brits never fired a shot to take over Malacca. They were handed it, on a platter. The Brits wanted Penang and Singapore actually, but since this was the land in-between their prized possessions, they decided "Oh, what the heck". So, UMNO is now saying that the handing over the Colony of Malacca to the British did not happen?

In addition, You can also read up on how all the "Perang Saudara's" were going on, and because of that, it was simply easy for the Colonizers to waltz in and take over any land they wished. And it is true. Malaysia has NEVER been Colonized. Since 1957, no one colonized Malaysia. (Well,..... unless you consider that UMNO did colonize it)

In closing, do read up on the bankruptcy of the VOC here:
http://gutenberg.net.au/VOC.html

or another one here:
http://countrystudies.us/indonesia/9.htm

If Malacca was so bloody important, why was it not even mentioned ONCE?

Anyone still remember how Parameswara is NOT mentioned in Sejarah Melayu?

N.B. To date, no one has submitted any evidence, nor refutted what John Doe has written about Malacca