About respecting sensitivities

I had always assumed that the Malays are backward thinking and superstitious whereas the non-Malays are enlightened. I had always wanted the Malays to break out of their feudalistic and outdated cocoon and drag themselves into the new Millennium and, as Dr Mahathir Mohamad said, be more like the Chinese. That is why I have been brutal and cruel in whacking the Malays. I wanted them to improve. Now it looks like it is not only the Malays I need to work on.

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

A couple of years ago, I met this pretty Chinese girl, probably in her mid-20s, a junior lawyer working in my friend’s firm. She was dressed in a real sexy black dress that revealed her greatest asset, her long and shapely legs.

My first reaction, and not that well thought of I must admit, was to offer her my condolences.

“For what?” she replied with a puzzled look on her face. She must have thought I had mistaken her for someone else or that my condolences was tongue-in-cheek (such as “my condolences that you are a lawyer instead of a Blogger like me”).

I immediately realised my faux pas and that I had put my foot in my mouth (my mouth moving faster than my brain, as Megat Najmuddin Megat Khas of Subang Golf Club ‘fame’ once told me).

“Oh, sorry, I assumed you are in mourning because of the black dress you are wearing.”

She gave this very, very sexy laugh while throwing back her hair behind her ears. Sigh…that was a move to melt anyone’s heart and it was extremely difficult not to fall in love with a person who has perfected this move to a fine art.

‘On no,” she replied, “It is just that I love black.”

“I must confess that black certainly complements you,” I replied, hoping that I could score some points and erase what was a bad start to a promising relationship.

Another sexy laugh and a throwing of the head back while pushing her hair behind her ears with those oh so fine and long fingers.

Sigh….

Anyway, we went on to talk about customs and taboos and she told me that she has a cupboard full of black outfits but would never wear black when she goes home to meet her parents.

“My mother would have a fit. She will scream at me and say I want here to die early. So I never wear black with them around unless I want to die early,” she joked.

“But we are modern, educated Chinese,” she added. “We don’t believe in all those superstitions. We just observe them for the sake of our old folks, just to make them happy and not get them upset.”

“What about fengshui?” I asked. “Even Muslims and westerners now believe in fengshui.”

Another laugh and all the other trimmings to further make you as soft as taufu. “That’s what you may find a bit strange about us. We say we are modern and educated and don’t believe in superstition, but when it comes tofengshui, somehow most of us still believe in it, at least a little bit if not all.”

“How strong are these beliefs?” I ask. “Do you actually observe them religiously?”

“Well, not really. It’s like hedging our bets. We don’t really believe all that nonsense but we try to observe them whenever we can just in case. If it is nonsense then we have nothing to lose. But if they are true then at least we are covered.”

“Sort of like buying insurance,” I concluded.

She laughed again and made all those right moves to go with the laugh, and I had better stop here because I am sure there are some of you below 18 reading this article.

Let’s move on to another story.

I attended the funeral of a mother of a Chinese friend of mine. He is a Christian but they observed all the Chinese customs and traditions, such as burning funeral money, a paper Mercedes, a paper mansion, etc.

I asked my friend is he not a Christian, to which he confirmed he is. “Then why are you indulging in ‘un-Christian-like’ rituals?” I asked.

I am that close to him to be able to ask such ‘sensitive questions’ without him foaming at the mouth while calling me all sorts of foul names.

“I’m actually doing this for my old man,” he replied. “You know lah, old people are still superstitious and hold on to old Chinese customs and traditions. So this is for my dad's sake rather than for me. I really don’t believe in all this nonsense.”

I can appreciate that. When I got married back in 1973, I too had to observe the old Malay customs and traditions, as well as some Chinese ones too. At first, I only agreed to the religious part of my marriage, that is the akad nikah. I refused to do the bersanding, which had nothing to do with Islam and was actually more Hindu.

Wow! You should have seen the storm I created. My mother, who was Welsh, did not mind. But my uncles and aunties were furious. They would rather that I not get married than I get married in the ‘not proper’ way.

These were brothers and sisters/sisters-in-law of my late father. So, for my dead father’s sake, I agreed to thebersanding. I did not want to go into conflict with my father’s siblings, as a mark of respect to my father who had died merely a year before that.

The akad nikah

The bersanding ceremony and my late mother blessing the couple

Then, to please my wife’s side of the family, I performed the ‘tea ceremony’. You should have seen the tears in my mother-in-law’s eyes as she held my hands and called me ‘son’. I think I really made her day.

Incidentally, three years later, we brought her along when we migrated to Kuala Terengganu and she lived with us till the day she died. The last three years of her life she was bedridden after she suffered a stroke and we had to employ a nurse to look after her. The most important thing is she died in her own home and with her children and grandchildren around her when she breathed her last breath.

Such is the strength of customs and traditions. And I can quite understand the outrage regarding the white ang pau episode, especially when it involved old folks who were probably intimidated into accepting the white ang paus and did not dare throw it back into Ibrahim Ali’s face.

Anyway, whether Ibrahim Ali did this on purpose or whether he did this out of ignorance is not something I can confirm, unless I first speak to him personally about it. Hence I am not defending or justifying his actions. However, after personally knowing him all these years, I would say that Ibrahim Ali is not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, if you know what I mean. To accuse him of plotting this, which requires a brain, is to give him more credit than he deserves.

But what puzzles me is the outrage by people who say that all religions are bullshit, that God does not exist, would not hesitate to wear a black attire (like a business suit), and so on. They believe that God and religions are bullshit and yet they believe that colours can harm you or bring you luck.

I had always assumed that the Malays are backward thinking and superstitious whereas the non-Malays are enlightened. I had always wanted the Malays to break out of their feudalistic and outdated cocoon and drag themselves into the new Millennium and, as Dr Mahathir Mohamad said, be more like the Chinese. That is why I have been brutal and cruel in whacking the Malays. I wanted them to improve. Now it looks like it is not only the Malays I need to work on.