English murdered in a murder story

Black Rose - the much-hyped tell-all - falls short of expectations but provides enough inside jokes and hints to keep its readers gripped.

PETALING JAYA: By this time, avid followers of The Confessions of the Carpet Man have no doubt winced and chuckled through every misspelt word and thinly-veiled nicknames in the book The Black Rose, presumably written by the Carpet Man himself.

Never mind that Deepak Jaikishan, the star of the real-life saga, has denounced the free e-book as being a fake – such a fact makes for even more salacious reading and adds further intrigue to the unfolding drama.

And what a drama: By reading the first paragraph alone, the reader can guess just how complex the issue is – and the bad language certainly doesn’t help.

“This is a true version of the events leading to the 2nd SD by LABA on the instruction of Black Rose, on the day the first SD was announced by LABA flanked by the head of the opposition, Black Rose called me in the same evening, she wanted KAPEED to help solve the SD issue as the repulsion was very severe, she explained to me that LALA’s people were going to see the SD by LABA to convince a direct participant in the 4C incident to come forward and make a SD and confess that he had been instructed by whom to initiate 4C and that ABCD instructed him and ABCD was instructed by BIJAN.”

And that’s just the first sentence.

But whether the writer intended this or not, there is a plus side to the run-in sentences and disregard for punctuation – it makes for a hilarious book that just cannot be put down.

For example, the Selangor Umno Wanita chief Raja Ropiaah Abdullah land deal is just that more gripping when described so eloquently in the following manner:

“…Raja Popiah was a very strong person in state politics, she was very chauvinistic and greedy and unlike popiah stall owners who once they have sold their popiah to one person will never dare to sell it to another, Raja Popiah darest do the unimaginable…”

This unintentionally humorous writing is especially useful since readers will find that the book holds nothing new in terms of information.

But on the down side, the writer’s brutal murder of the English language makes it very difficult for the reader to take the contents, and the writer himself, seriously.

Content-wise, for those who haven’t read the book, you don’t miss out on anything except for a lot of laughs, because it is just a (bad) re-telling of information Deepak previously divulged to the press.

Analysing the symbolism

From the Raja Ropiaah land deal to the events leading and following the second statutory declaration by P Balasubramaniam, everything appears to be recycled from Deepak’s interviews and press statements.

Even the documents included in the PDF file, which make up half the book, were apparently already available on PKR director of strategy Rafizi Ramli’s website.

Regardless, those who have free time should definitely give this book a try; the nicknames the writer came up with alone are worth it.

Readers who have been following the issue will have a ball of a time matching the pseudonyms to the person – or company.

“Guppy the fish” as a pseudonym for plasticware company GuppyUnip is just pure, unadulterated genius. And no prizes for guessing who KAPEED is. Or Bijan. Or LABA.

Analysing the symbolism behind the pseudonyms yields even more entertainment for the reader.

For instance, why are the names LABA and KAPEED spelt in full capital letters, but Raja Popiah, Black Rose, Bijan, spelt in small letters?

Perhaps it is a metaphor for how TRUTH (as personified in LABA and KAPEED) trumps the small, mean antagonists in the book (Black Rose, Bijan, Raja Popiah, Bagonda)?

And why does Deepak, who is meant to be the author, refer to himself as “I” in some instances and “KAPEED” in other cases throughout the book?

At one point, it happens even within the same sentence. For instance: “…Black Rose called me in the same evening, she wanted KAPEED to help solve the SD issue as the repulsion was very severe…”

Could it be due to a language error (those are aplenty here)? Or perhaps it symbolises a deeper, Smeagol versus Gollum psych war waging within KAPEED’s head?

As always, we can only speculate. Because only KAPEED knows.