Putrajaya welcomes all comers to Lahad Datu!

Welcome to Lahad Datu, where you do not need a passport so long as you carry a gun and a dubious claim to Sabah!

You will be greeted by the smiling Malaysian Home Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein, who never misses a good photo op.

After all, he does have to cement his claim to being the most ineffectual home minister Malaysia has had since Merdeka.

Ignore party poopers like former CID chief Datuk Mat Zain Ibrahim. He went and wrote a piece asking who, exactly, was taking responsibility for the whole mess?

Obviously, it was not the home minister. He was too busy being photographed in camos.

It probably is the prime minister who has been seen preening and proud about having “avoided bloodshed.” So far.

Of course no one in Putrajaya is stating the obvious: That foreign invaders trespassed on our waters, attempted to annexe part of the country and threatened the safety of our citizens.

But it is all right so long as you bring your M16s to Sabah.

Please refrain from visiting Selangor or Malacca, as you would be deported post-haste… in body bags.

We also advise Sabah foreign visitors to refrain from wearing yellow or pretending to be citizens.

Putrajaya has no qualms about using tear gas and water cannons on unarmed citizens especially if they are dressed in yellow.

In Malaysia, yellow is code for “Fire the water cannons!” Obviously.

Do we not have a fine and capable army, navy and police force?

Yes, we do. Unfortunately their hands are tied by Putrajaya so in the meantime, so as not to disturb your peaceful annexation of Sabah, the police are busying themselves arresting Al-Jazeera journalists.

The nerve of these foreign media to come and attempt to report such inconvenient things like the truth.

Thanks to Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad’s incredible foresight, Sabah’s population is now perhaps a third Pinoy.

We hear Philippine President Benigno Aquino is preparing a medal amongst other honours as thanks to Dr Mahathir for helping the Philippines reclaim Sabah with the least amount of bloodshed.

Syabas, Putrajaya!

And as you enjoy the sights in this beautiful state of ours, let us greet you with the warm welcome that people like the prime minister, home minister and the venerable Dr Mahathir have made possible:

“Welcome to the Sulu Sultanate, autonomous region of the Philippines.”

Or maybe we’ll just say “Maligayang pagdating!” (Welcome) next time.

by Erna Mahyuni, The Malaysian Insider