A few months ago, a friend of mine who is a mother of two and a victim of domestic abuse, ran away from her violent husband. Over the ten years of her marriage, her husband had physically hit her, burned her with a hot iron, punched her face, forced her to take nude photographs and denied her access to her children whenever she planned on leaving him.
Her mother-in-law, who lived in the same house, was in total support of her son. Her sister-in-law, who was well aware of the happenings, preferred to stay out of their marital woes.
My friend’s own mother told her to tolerate the abuse and stay in her marriage for the sake of her two children. And her aunts, who were her support system, advised her to focus on being a better wife, almost justifying her husband’s act of violence as a result of her lack of commitment as a good wife.
Two months ago, having had enough, my friend ran away from her marital home. Without the support of all the women in her family, she went into hiding.
Using the little she had saved, she filed for a divorce under fasakh (annulment of marriage). However, her syariah lawyer, a woman, ignored my friend’s request and filed for divorce by talaq under Section 47 of the Islamic Family Law (State of Penang) Enactment 2004 instead.
Talaq refers to the husband's right to dissolve the marriage by simply announcing to his wife that he repudiates her.
With my friend’s husband refusing to grant her talaq, the case was dropped after just two visits to the court, thanks to the lawyer’s lack of interest in doing what was best for her client. Having received the payment for her ‘service’, the lawyer then decided to cut ties and not represent my friend for her fasakh.
On top of all that, my friend also lost her job as a salesperson at a store when her husband decided to create some drama at her workplace. Her employer, who happened to be a woman, requested that my friend not come to work as she wasn’t willing to take unnecessary risks.
Today, my friend is still hiding from her husband (who is searching her high and low since she legally ‘belongs’ to him). She is jobless, without money, without her children and without the support of all the women she had trusted.
The hardship and struggle my friend is going through as a woman in the 21st Century is something many other women in our country are experiencing every day.
Why do we celebrate Women’s Day?
A few days ago, we celebrated International Women’s Day. With friends, acquaintances and social media followers wishing me ‘Happy Women’s Day’, I wondered - “What are we actually celebrating?”
When a woman cannot sympathise with the struggle of another woman; when a woman cannot depend on another woman for support; and when a woman is so self-absorbed that the life of another woman doesn’t carry any weight – can someone, pray tell me, why do we even bother celebrating Women’s Day?
A friend, when asked this same question, had this to say, “What is there not to celebrate? Being born a woman itself is a celebration. In fact, I think we deserve to treat every day as Women’s Day!”
Please, lah!
Seriously, being born a woman is not an accomplishment - it is what we do in our lives as women that matters.
Recharging ourselves as women
While women celebrate the blood, sweat and tears of some great women around the world who have paved the way towards our progress today, we turn a blind eye towards those who depend on us to pave a way for them.
We pay tribute to all the women who have fought against all forms of discrimination, exclusion, marginalisation and violence towards women – but when we ourselves come across women who are the victims of discrimination, exclusion, marginalisation and violence, we ignore them.
We jump on board every discussion on matters pertaining to child marriages, marital rape, female circumcision, #MeToo and plenty of other women-related issues - but the discussions we have, sadly, remain discussions, without any effort on our part to do anything about them, especially when these issues occur within our social surroundings.
Despite celebrating our achievements, strengths and empowerment, the truth is, we women are still very weak. We are so weak that we are not even capable of helping our own kind when the time calls for it.
The truth is, International Women’s Day should not be only about celebrating our status as women, nor should it be our annual reminder of the great success accomplished by women around the world.
Instead, it should serve as a reminder to us of the plagues in our society which affect the lives of women like us.
Women’s Day should be a reminder to us to look beyond our borders and deepen our thinking about the future progress of women in our country. It should be a day for us to reflect, rejoice and recharge ourselves as women and connect with one another physically, virtually and spiritually.
Until women find it within themselves to reach out and assist another woman in need; until women show genuine interest in the well-being of another woman; and until women treat one another (whatever race, religion, status and sexual orientation they are) as their sisters – let us not bother celebrating Women’s Day.
FA ABDUL is a passionate storyteller, a growing media trainer, an aspiring playwright, a regular director, a struggling producer, a self-acclaimed photographer, an expert Facebooker, a lazy blogger, a part-time queen and a full-time vainpot. - Mkini
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