THURSDAY JOKES - 52

 

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.
When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in front of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her, "Do you want a screw for that hinge?"
She looked back at him and said, "No, but I'll make love to you for that toaster in the window."

What's the difference between a RM 50 steak and a RM 99 steak?
February 14th.

Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the "good manure" that needed to be used for the flowering plants.
Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. "Couldn't you get the President to say 'fertilizer'?" they asked.
Mrs. Truman replied, "Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say 'manure.'"

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard.

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the instructions on the paint can and it said...
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

You have to stay in shape. 

My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 now and... we have no idea where she is now.

Q: Why did the Police Officer put a bra on the road?
A: To place a booby trap.

A mother took her little boy to church. While in he church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'.”
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear."

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