THURSDAY JOKES - 84

 

A couple had not been married for long when the husband came home one day to find that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.
Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she had been up to and why she hadn't been home for so long.
She replied, "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."
The husband answered, "But it's only been two days what do y

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A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate."
"Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will someday enable men to span the universe and light-years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time."
"And that, my master, is fate?"
"Oh, fate! I thought you said freight."

 

 

 

 

My nephew came over the other day and he was wearing a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads, and gloves.
He said, "I'm going to ride my bike!"
I said, "Where? Through a minefield?"

Why do assholes never keep their mouth shut?

On Palm Sunday, a five-year-old boy had a sore throat and stayed home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked them what they were. "People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by,” his father told him. "Wouldn't you know it?” the boy fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go and Jesus shows up!”

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One day three people were stuck on an island with cannibals.
The cannibals said, "If you do what we say, we won’t kill you".
So, the 3 people followed the orders which were to go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of their choice.
So, the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. The cannibals said, "put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression". The person held his composure however then made a facial expression after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.
The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. The cannibals said, "put the cherries up your ass without making a facial expression". However as much as he tried to restrain himself the person burst into tears laughing at the tenth cherry, so they killed him.
In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with cherries "why did you start laughing?"
The person replied, "I saw the third person come out with large pineapples!"

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