A young gay man calls home and tells his mother
that he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his
mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay
lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.
She
responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it
would be too much to hope that she would be a Jew?"
He
tells her that not only is the girl a Jew, but is from a wealthy Beverly Hills
family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her
name?"
He
answers, "Monica Lewinsky."
There
is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice
Catholic boy you were dating last year?"
What did Winnie the Pooh say to
his new love interest?
Show me the honey!
A
man walked into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the
bar. He asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a
slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell
terrific. What's that you have on?"
The
flattered girl told him it was Chanel number 5. Then wanting to return the
compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
"Well,
I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy
replied.
Begin by
standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your
sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and
then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer.
After
a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks
and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in
each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
After
you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks!
Why do
the seven dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
The grass tickles their balls!
The drunk
staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.
"But
sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I
insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very
good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you
don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well,
for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire!"
What do
you call a nanny that doesn’t flush?
Mary Poopins the toilet.
A young man from Penang moves to Kuala Lumpur
and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store
looking for a job. The manager asks, "Do you have any sales
experience?" The kid replies, "Yeah, I was one of the best car
salesmen back in Penang."
The
boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll
come down after we close and see how you did."
His
first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was
locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from
you today? The kid responds, "One."
The
boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.
How much was the sale for?"
"RM
401,237.65."
"RM
401,237.65? Really! What did you sell to him?"
"First,
I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold
him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him
where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going
to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin
engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn't think his car would pull it, so I
took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4x4 truck with all
the bells and whistles."
"A
guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!"
"No,
the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife and I said, Dude,
it's your weekend shot. You should go fishing!"
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