A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. To
his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St.
Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the Gate and came down the
long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his
assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the
line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't
mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well,
I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my
calculation, you must be around 193 years old!"
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood
in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely!
A parrot flies into a bar and
orders a drink. The bartender gives the parrot a drink.
The parrot complains:
"Hey! You forgot the little umbrella!"
The bartender puts the little
umbrella into the drink and the parrot is satisfied.
The parrot drinks a couple more
drinks and then leaves.
After the parrot has left, a
man sitting next to it says to the bartender: "Huh, I've never seen
anything like that before!"
The bartender replies: "So! Anyone can
forget the tiny umbrella sometimes!"
Two cows were chatting over the fence between
their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you; this
mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard
it hit some cows down in the Lembu Asli Farm."
The other cow replied, "Ah, I am not
worried, it won't affect us, buffaloes!"
Wife:
"Whenever I keep money in my purse, our son steals it!
I don’t know what to do?"
Husband: "Hide it in his books. I know he
will never touch them!"
A man moved to a mountain top to stay away from
the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the
door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it
said it is extremely cold outside, so can it come in?
The man shouted "NO! Why don't you all
understand that I want to be alone!" and then he kicked the snail down the
mountain!
I finally decided to sell my vacuum
cleaner.
All it was doing was gathering dust!
Hung Chow calls the office and says, "Hey,
boss I will not come to work today, I am really sick. I have headache,
stomach-ache and my legs hurt, I cannot come to work."
The boss says, "You know,
Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to
my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to
work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I did what you suggested and I feel great now. I will be at work soon. You have a really nice house!"
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