CORONA-HUMOUR 2

A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist.
The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide.
The brunette said, "You put it around your neck!"
The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"



Two happily married 60 year olds were on vacation when they came across a magic lamp. They rubbed it three times and out came a Jeanie. The Jeanie was willing to grant each person a single wish. The wife wished to travel around the world. Then "poof" a bunch of airline tickets showed up in her hands. The man thought about what he wanted to wish for.
He said to the Jeanie, "I wish my wife was thirty years younger than me." Then "poof" he turned into a 90 year old man.

What is the moral of the story?
Be very careful what you wish for!



Why is a government servant like a broken shotgun? 

It won't work and you can't fire it!

A man staggers into an emergency room of a hospital with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours"

The devil meets him at the gate and says, "Alright, you have died and have come to hell. You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you cannot change it. So let's get started."
The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee."
The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal?
After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying, "Coffee break is over. Back on your heads!"




A man is in a bar and keeps falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"




A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-medical student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, behaving like she is unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. My husband just walked in the door.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: What do you see when you look straight into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

A woman calls a local hospital . . . .
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Siti Khadtijah, room 302."
"I'll connect you with the nursing station . . . ."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Siti Khadtijah in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Puan Siti Khadtijah is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Adham Baba is going to send her home on Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I am Siti Khadtijah in 302! I

I called because the hospital staff tells the patient nothing.

By the way, Puan, Dr, Adham Baba will be prescribing a warm lemon juice drink three times daily after you have been discharged!

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.