TUESDAY JOKES - 51

 

A bunch of girls had become upset at an anthropology professor who had a knack for offending women. 

They decided the next time he did something offensive, they would all stand up and walk out of his class. 

Sure enough, at the very next class meeting while discussing a tribe of African natives. 

The professor leered and said, "You'll be interested to know the average tribal warrior there has a willy twelve inches long."
The girls all rose in a large mass and headed for the door.
The professor sneered and said, "What's your hurry, girls? 

The next flight to there isn't until Saturday!"

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

Q: Why blondes should not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband - he thinks he's a refrigerator!''
''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.''

Why did the dude only smell good on the right side? 

He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside.
On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.
"Oh, Lord!" he says.
Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! 

It's a hell of a lot better than Bonnie and Clyde!"

Q: Why is air very similar to sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

A big Texan is walking down the main street of Ballinclashett and encounters Liam standing on the pavement beside a big strong horse.
This prompts the Texan to attempt to realize a lifelong dream and he says to Liam, "Say Boy, that's a fine-looking horse you got there, and I'd like to tour this beautiful country on horseback so's I can see the sights and hear the sounds of the countryside as they did in the old days. I'll buy that horse from you; how much do you want."
Liam says, "O sure and you don't want to be messing with this horse he doesn't look too good these days."
"Hey, Boy," says the Texan, "Don't you try to tell me what's a good-looking' horse and what isn't. I have been trading horses all my life long and there isn't anything a young country boy like you can tell me about them. Now you just name your price and we'll get along fine."
"I'm saying' to you that this horse is not a good-looking horse mister and you don't want any part of him," says Liam.
The Texan is getting angry now. "Listen up Boy, he says, you leave me to be the judge of what's good looking and what's not, and just give me the price and I'll pay cash right here and now."
"Oh well," says Liam, "Two thousand dollars then."
"Deal!" says the Texan and he hands over the money, Liam unties the horse and the Texan leads him off.
The horse walks smack into the first lamp post in the way, and the Texan turns to Liam and says, "Hey, Boy, you a durned swindler, you didn't' tell me this horse was blind!"
"I keep telling you he doesn't look too good," says Liam, "and you kept saying that's none of my business, so in the end, I gave up."

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