This is a Non story, also featuring Mals and a Bum

 

I came across a new Malaysian word recently. It’s “Non”. Hint – it refers to people.

If the opposite to Non is also used as widely, I’d be referred to as a Mal. As in a Malay. Because Non refers to a Non-Malay person.

I first heard it used casually by a Non friend. She is much practised in it, having spent two decades in the government in increasingly lonely positions as a Non among the many Mals. And non, mon cheri, she wasn’t bitching about it. Just being nonchalant.

To be more politically correct, rather than distinguishing between Malays and Non-Malays, the split is between Bumis and non-Bumis. Given that my side is the Bumi side, that would actually make me, in this scheme of things, a Bum!

While it’s still a few degrees better than some of the names I’ve been called, it doesn’t quite sound like a compliment though. Not at all.

Nonetheless, in this frenetic digital age, it’s not a surprise everything is contracted and abbreviated. The ever-present, escalating need to distinguish between Malays and Non-Malays (or Bumis and non-Bumis) has become so pervasive in our life that we’ve developed a shorthand for it.

Unfortunately, these contractions aren’t quite detailed enough to fully describe our multifaceted and diverse nation. Malaysia is not a monolithic country of purely Malays/Bumis – there’s a substantial chunk of Nons in it, too. A better classification system is needed. The starting point is, if you are a Non-Malay/Bumi, your classification must start with a Non.

However, we have many proud brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers from East Malaysia who’re technically Bumis, but are not Malays. How are we to refer to them? Bum-Non-Mal? The Kadazan Dusuns and Ibans would surely complain about being lumped together in the big melting pot of East Malaysia.

So does it become Bum-Non-Mal (Kad-Dus) for our Kadazan Dusun brothers and sisters from Sabah, and Bum-Non-Mal (Ib) for their Iban counterparts from Sarawak?

I am not gonna lose my head hazarding a guess on that one. On the peninsula side, things are also not so clear cut.

I doubt if the Chinese would ever want to be lumped together with the Indians.

I doubt the Indians would want to be lumped together with other Indians either. And I am not even bringing in the Punjabis (Puns) into the picture yet. They’d all want their own unique classification.

We may have to go Non-Ind (Non-Pun) for further classification of pure Indians, whatever pure may be. Or we can go Non-Ind-Veg and Non-Ind-Non-Veg, like some restaurants do. We could leave it to the Malaysian Indian Congress (MIC) to sort that out, or perhaps we should just go directly to Umno?

The Malays are not that homogenous either. Many came from various parts of the world, with varying amounts of, including zero, true Malay blood in them. But being a Mal is also clearly defined in our Constitution (Con) such that as long as they are Malay in their daily practice and customs, and Islamic in their faith, then they are Malays. Brilliant circular argument.

We should still strive for simplicity. Or else we’d end up with Mal-Bug (Malay Bugis) or Mal-Mal (Malay Malayalee) or Mal-aise (a Malay who is not well), on top of “true” Malays (Mal-Tru, and not Mal-Cel – Malay Celup) and Constitutional Malays (Mal-Con), which may include many Indonesians, Bangladeshis, Nepalese and religious preachers from Saudi Arabia and India. And Mal-Sin for Singaporean Malays, or perhaps Mal-Kia?

We could try associating them with their political affiliations: Mal-UM, Mal-PAS, Mal-Ke and the occasional Mal-DAP. Maybe even Mal-Frog. Those not affiliated with any party are the Mal-Non-Aff, waiting to be…..screwed.

That leaves us with the Chinese.

I am tempted to say let’s leave the Chinese with the Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA). Unfortunately, the party went extinct a few years ago.

Since some people think Chinese are mostly gangsters, we can go Non-Chin-Gang and Non-Chin-Non-Gang to refer to them based on their gang membership, or lack of. But these sound too much like actual Chinese names so there could be confusions – pity the secret society member Mr Ng Chin Cheng (Non-Chin-Gang) – he might as well be in a Chinese opera. Similarly with Non-Chin-Chin-Nat for Chinese nationals working in karaoke bars or as mistresses. Havoc man.

Too complicated. We’d just have to leave the Chinese alone to figure out what they need to do. They are already Non-Chin-Pen (as in Pendatang) to many Mals, but the home ministry would never approve that particular usage (and not because they care about the Pendatang part either). Even the extinct MCA would still squeak some objections about it from its grave. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.