SUNDAY JOKES - 108

 

A family of four were having a dinner. 

Everybody was bored, so the dad says" let's play a game," 

"What is something you lick but get really tempted to just eat," 

The girl says "a lollipop", the dad says, "correct!" 

"Now what do you put in your mouth but don't swallow" and the boy is like nuts!

They say that two heads are better than one. 

In your case, one would have been better than none!

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. 

Now I have a much lower opinion of you!

Teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"

Student: "I couldn't find hell at first but now here I am!"

At first I thought you had the IQ of an ice scraper but then it occurred to me that an ice scraper has two things you don't, direction and purpose!

You know you are getting old when the smile beside your bedside isn't that same smile. 

It's your teeth in a jam jar!

A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. 

His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" 

The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. 

The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"

Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Can someone use fascinate in a sentence." 

Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." 

The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." 

Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." 

Once again, the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." 

Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again, the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." 

Johnny replied, "I know but her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!"

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