Folks, it's okay to be offended

 

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they don’t want to hear” - George Orwell

My friend Andy bought a variety of halal mooncakes for his colleagues a few years ago, attempting to make acquaintances at his new workplace. His Muslim colleagues not only rejected the mooncakes, but also accused him of not understanding the Malaysian culture.

Andy was offended by his colleagues’ reactions. His colleagues, on the other hand, were offended by Andy’s lack of ‘respect.’

It is quite easy to offend people these days. Everyone has something they’re sensitive about, and when they come across it, they get upset. It could be religion, cultural norms, social ethics, or something they greatly believe in.

Then again, sometimes people also tend to get upset over the dumbest things – like the tone of someone’s voice, their accent, their attire, the smell of their perfume or something they saw on social media.

When people get upset, they instantly assume malice and take personal offence. They think the world is out to get them. They assume that there is some conspiracy against them.

The problem is that we humans are inherently egocentric – we take everything personally. We struggle not to feel insulted when facing people who think differently from us - and we often misjudge their intentions.

As a colourful country that takes pride in its religious and cultural diversity, we Malaysians lack appreciation for the diversity of viewpoints, ideas, and lifestyles.

We may have neighbours of different races, religions, and cultural backgrounds, but we spend our lives being engaged with those whose viewpoints, ideas and lifestyles are similar to ours.

No thanks to the digital world we all live in today, the ability to accept different views or take criticism in good stride is exceedingly rare. We no longer see a need to give the benefit of doubt to the other side or to indulge ourselves in a dialogue aiming to ‘clear the air’ or to gain better understanding.

These days, for every action there is an instant reaction – and that is to be offended. I too have been offended more times than I could remember.

I am often offended when ignored in restaurants and official events simply because I do not dress up to it. I am offended when people dismiss my thoughts without trying to understand my reasoning. I am offended when people think so highly of themselves and nothing much of everyone else, including me.

Every time I feel that way, I tell myself that I have a lot to learn about myself, other people, and the environment we are in. Being offended makes me analyse the situation I am in and think about how I can improve when it occurs or if it occurs again.

For some people though, being offended makes them feel powerful and superior. It makes them think it is okay to manipulate the situation into making others feel guilty and ashamed.

The truth is, it does not make any of us right or give us the high ground. Being offended just means that we are different from the person who offended us. And it is okay to be different as much as it is okay to be offended. It is the attitude of the offender that makes things complicated.

Taking offence is a life skill

Many of us fail to understand that being offended does not make us any less than those who do not easily get triggered. It just means that we are human beings with sensitive souls. We just have the tendency to feel more than most people.

However, while we take offence, we must learn to embrace others including those who offend us. We must learn to see them as complex individuals who are different from us.

Although in some cases taking offence can impact one’s ability to think, if we can see it as something positive, something that we and our society can benefit from, then we must welcome disagreement.

Furthermore, the lifeblood of democracy, the freedom of speech, becomes meaningless if it only defends the opinions of the majority. For this reason, every opinion, idea, and disagreement must be welcomed and celebrated.

Yes, freedom to offend can sometimes cause racial, social, and religious intolerance, especially in a diversified society like ours – however, let us not forget that it is also a vital tool to address bigotry and work towards solving misunderstandings to create a better society.

After all, if we believe in freedom of speech as our fundamental right as a citizen, we must also believe in the freedom to offend, freedom to dissent, freedom to be obnoxious, freedom to irritate and freedom to get under everyone’s skin. Now those are the fundamental freedoms of a liberated society.

Of course, if you end up using your freedom to say something defamatory and hurt someone with your false statement, you can march into court to sort things out.

But for the rest of us, let us not worry too much when we get offended. Instead of building a concrete wall of separation, all we should do is tear down that wall and build a bridge instead. - Mkini

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FA ABDUL is a multi-award-winning playwright and director in the local performing arts scene, a published author, a television scriptwriter, a media trainer and a mother. Her ultimate mission in life is to live out of a small suitcase.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.