THURSDAY JOKES - 115

 

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it.

"I waited until I heard the bedsprings squeaking in my parent's bedroom and then I ran in. My father gave me a watch to get rid of me.", replied the little friend. 

Little Johnny, thinking that this was a cool idea waited that night until he heard the bedsprings squeaking rhythmically and then ran into his parent's bedroom.

"What do you want!", asked the father gruffly.
"I want a watch!", said Johnny.
"Well sit down and shut up!", replied the father.

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it and a genie came out. 

The genie said "I will grant you three wishes but your ex-wife will get double." 

The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. 

The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Beat me half to death!"

The doctor to the patient: "You are very sick."
The patient to the doctor: "Can I get a second opinion?"

The doctor again: "Yes, you are very ugly too!"

Martin and Tina were in bed when the phone rang in the middle of the night.

The caller asked, "Is the coast clear?" 

Martin picked up the receiver, listened and shouted back: “You idiot, how do you think I am supposed to know that? That damn sea is five hundred miles from here.” And he disconnected the line.

Tina asked sleepily: “What was that?”

Martin: “Some idiot wanted to know if the coast was clear!!!”

A boy and a girl are talking.

The girl says, "You would be a good dancer except for two things."
The boy asks, "What are those two things?"

The girl answers, "Your feet!"

A man goes to a Unitarian Universalist service for the first time and later is asked what he thought of it. 

"Darndest church I ever went to," he replies. "The only time I heard the name of Jesus Christ was when the janitor fell down the stairs!"

A: Why are you late?

B: There was a man who lost a hundred-ringgit bill.

A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

B: No, I was standing on it!

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday!

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