THURSDAY JOKES - 117

 

A man was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. 

The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm going to have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

A: "I was born in Malaysia."

B: "Which part?"

A: "All of me!"

A: "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"
B: "No, I'm sorry I don't."

A: "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."

A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The railroad engineer replied.

How would we know they were late if we didn't have a schedule?

President Bush and Colin Powell were sitting in a bar. 

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So, the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

A snail was mugged by a tortoise. 

The police said "Can you give us a description of your attacker?

The snail said, "No, it all happened so fast!"

A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?

Student: No, he did it all by himself!

One night, Jack Evans along with his 3 university friends went out drinking till late at night, as many college students are prone to do and didn't study for their test, which of course, was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.

They went up to the dean and explained that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst. They continued to explain how they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

The dean, being a compassionate human being said that they could take the test after 3 days. The students graciously replied that they'd be ready by that time.
On the third day, they appeared before the dean. The dean explained that since this was a special test all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the duration of the exam.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 5 questions with a total of 100 points:

MID-SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION

INSTRUCTIONS: All questions must be answered. Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.

Q.1. Write down your name. ----- (2 POINTS). 

Q.2. Write the name of the bride and groom at the wedding you attended. ----- (30 POINTS). 

Q.3. What type of car were you driving? ------(20 POINTS). 

Q.4. Which tyre burst? ------- (28 POINTS). 

Q.5. Who was driving? ------ (20 POINTS)!!!

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