TUESDAY JOKES - 139

 

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated with magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well-spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?"
In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside.
"I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution, and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But Mom, she was sitting on Daddy's lap!



Mary's fourth-grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" on the list, she asked her father what it meant.
He explained that being frugal meant you saved something.
Her paper read: "Frugal: to save."
Sentence: "Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She yelled 'Frugal me, Frugal me!'"

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it," I'm sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I'm not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I'll have to get back to you then." He then turned to the man who had just walked in and said, "Now, what can I do for you?" 

"Nothing," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone!" 

A man goes to see his bank manager one day and says: "I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?"

"That's simple," replies the bank manager. "All you have to do is buy a big one and wait!"

 

I never got a hole in one - but I did hit a guy, and that is far more satisfying. You're supposed to yell 'Fore' but I was too busy mumbling. There ain't no way that I'm gonna hit him.

 

Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males and 2 females."
"How could you tell them apart, Joe? asked Charlie.
"Joe replied, "It was easy. The 3 males were sitting on a case of beer, and the 2 females were on the phone."

Biology Teacher: Did you know that you have 60,000 miles of blood vessels in your body?
Little Johnny: No wonder I have tired blood. 

How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None. That's what organic chemists are for!

Q: What weapon can you make from the chemicals, Potassium, Nickel and Iron?
A: KNiFe.

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [job title].
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the company that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,

[Your name]

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