TUESDAY JOKES -150

 

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked for advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor!

 

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

 

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
"Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
"Let me have it," said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but i don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"

"From my nose!" the drunk replied.

 

Would you walk into an unsupported building? 

For most people, it's a matter of truss!

 

A guy goes to see his grandmother and takes one of his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts that are on the coffee table and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, the friend says, "Thanks for the peanuts".

The grandmother says, "Yeah since I lost my dentures, I can only lick the chocolate out of them!"

 

Used to being the centre of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister.
The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they would have to move.

"It's no use," Robbie said. "She's crawling well now and she'd probably just follow us!"

 

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

Just before the doors opened, they all noticed a RM 20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

  

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the RM 5 million questions on the Multimillionaire Show. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.
The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this Show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the microphone.
"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away richer by five million ringgit. Are you ready?"
Bob nodded with cocky confidence - the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.
"Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject but he played it safe. "I'll try the easier part first."

The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go, Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."
The audience silenced with gross anticipation . . .

"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen???"

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