SUNDAY JOKES - 165

 

Mt. Kinabalu, Sabah

A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, "I'll be damned." 

A local pastor heard him and said, "You should not say that. Next time your wheel falls off, say 'Praise the Lord!'" 

So, the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon up the hill and the wheel falls off again and rolls down the hill. 

The young boy says, "Praise the Lord!" 

The wheel stops rolling, turns around, rolls back up the hill, and puts itself back on the wagon. 

The young boy being very surprised by this exclaims, "I'll be damned!"

 

A family is at the dinner table. 

The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” 

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round, and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” 

“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” 

This infuriated his wife and daughter. 

The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” 

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” 

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration!”

 

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" 

Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." 

The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." 

Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlour, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" 

The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." 

Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

 

Q: What did one penny say to the other penny?
A: Let's get together and make some cents!

 

Q: Why did the fish cross the sea? 

A: To get to the other tide!

 

Q: What do tree's drink

A: Root beer!

 

Santa, standing on a railway platform, suddenly runs and stands on the tracks. 
Banta: "Santa, move out of the way! The train is arriving!" 
Santa: "Haven't you heard the announcement that the train is arriving on the platform?"

 

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. 

Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” 

The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. 

A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. 

She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

 

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned RM 20 by climbing a tree. 

Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" 

Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

 

There were three men in the desert. 

They all wanted something to cool them down. 

One brought a pail of water. The second brought an umbrella. The third took out a car door. 

The other two said, "Why do you have a car door?" 

The person said, "So we could roll the windows down when we get hot!"

A woman walks into a cafe with a stomach ache. 

After a while she realizes she needs to relieve herself, knowing her farts are loud, she decides to fart simultaneously with the cafe music. Every time the music gets really loud she let out a long fart. 

She saw that everyone in the cafe was staring at her and later realized that she was wearing headsets the whole time...

 

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