Mike and his wife Dara were walking along Port Dickson beach one Sunday afternoon.
In the bandstand, the combo was playing a catchy sounding tune and Dara said, “I wonder what the name of that tune is.”
Mike noticed that there was a sign posted near the bandstand and said, “It looks like they post the titles of the tunes they play. I’ll go down and see.”
A while later, Mike returned and said to Dara, “It’s one I don’t know, it’s called ‘Refrain from Spitting!'”
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer – you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have gotten down there, send him up here.”
Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff and I’m keeping him.
God says, “Send him back up here, or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”
This guy sees a sign in front of a house “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a mutt sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the mutt replies. “So, what’s your story?” The mutt looks up and says “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the Secret Service about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leader, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So, I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of honorary medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’ve just retired. The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says “Ten ringgit.” The guy says he’ll buy him but asks the owner, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?” The owner replies, “He’s such a compulsive liar!”
Three men and a young woman are travelling on a train. The four passengers get talking and the chat soon takes an erotic turn.
The young woman proposes: “If each of you give me RM1, I will show you my legs”. The men, charmed by the woman, all pulled a ringgit note out of their wallet and she proceeds to pull up her dress a bit to show her legs.
The woman then says: “If each of you gentlemen give me RM10, I will show you my thighs”. Again, the men pulled out their wallets, hands over the money and the woman pulls up her dress to show her thighs.
The woman continues: “If you give me RM100 each, I will show you where I was operated on for my appendicitis”. All three handed over the money.
The woman then turns to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance, that’s the hospital where I had it done!”
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a deer beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, ‘bang, bang’ and the deer fell dead. What do you think of that?”
The 90-year-old said, “I’d say someone else shot that deer.”
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