Is there a conspiracy - Christian or otherwise - to make me laugh?

First, according to DrM, buying a Proton car is an "amal jariah." That means, those Muslims will get "pahala" or good points from God if they buy a Proton car or two. According to him, that is because when we buy a Proton car, we are helping all those employees of Proton and many more who would get jobs with Proton.

Alhamdulillah.

Taking that further, paying toll would be amal jariah too. So is eating KFC. And renting an office space in Puterajaya too I suppose. Oh ya, racing at Sepang F1 track would be amal jariah too.

According to a friend of mine, Proton's advertisement from now on should read:

"Syurga di bawah tayar Proton" or in English, "Heaven, under Proton's tyres".

May I instead suggest:

"Proton - driving you to heaven"

Or perhaps:

"Want virgins in heaven? Don't blow yourself up. Buy a Proton"

LOL!

Err...how about building the planned crooked bridge? Yes. That would be amal jariah too?

It is also an irony that in the High Court on Wednesday the 11th, Counsel for the Home Ministry, argued that Zunar's cartoons contained "terrible accusations."According to him:-

"The conclusion by the (home) minister is that the content of the cartoons (was) terrible accusation (and) extreme insult to national leaders including the judiciary.
"The books can't cause public disturbance but there is potential that the people who read it could be likely (influenced).”

Hahhaha, if the Home Ministry wishes to ban everybody who insults national leaders, I suppose the HM would have to ban about 20 million people daily.

By the way, some of the leaders would have to be banned as well. That's because day in day out, some of them insult themselves in full public view.

It is of course a source of considerable perplexity that a cartoon book could be banned for having some spoofs on Cartoonland but a major newspaper could escape even a public chiding by publishing seditious reports of alleged Christian conspiracy to take over Malaysia and changed its "official religion."

Last week the Home Ministry sent a letter of warning to Utusan Malaysia and summoned the Editor for serious talk. I could imagine the conversation:-

Home Minister: Asslamualaikum. Sila duduk.

Editor: Waalaikumussalam. Terima kasih.

HM: Eh, er...engko jangan tulis pasal komplot Kristian tu lagi ek. Orang tak sker. Okay?

Editor: Orait bro. Maaf. Orait Dato' Seri.

HM: Ini I kasik amaran k. Lain kali takder amaran lagik k. Ko jangan buat camtu lagi ek?

Editor: Okay Dato' Seri. Merkasih.

HM: Assalamualaikum.

Editor: Waalaikumussalam.

It of course escapes me and many others as to why the Home Ministry did not send a show cause letter to Utusan as they did to Suara Keadilan for publishing an article saying FELDA was bankrupt or to the Herald for using the word Allah.

I mean, if the Suara Keadilan's and Herald's articles could be deemed to be so "mengancam" necessitating a show cause letter, how come the Utusan shit-stirring "news" only warranted a warning?

1Malaysia. 2Standard?

Oh, by the way, Rocky's Bru posted here that:

"The MCMC has just finished "interviewing" bloggers Zakhir Mohamad aka Big Dog and Shamsul Yunus, who was running Marahku before it was hacked last week."

Oh, no wonder la the post alleging the now infamous "Christian conspiracy" has been removed from that blog. It was hacked rupanyer. So, Shamsul Yunos, the owner of that blog, did not actually post that article lah, kan?

As a lawyer, may I advise Shamsul Yunos to lodge a police report about his blog being hacked last week, if he hadn't done so in the past week.

In true Malaysian tradition, a sumpah laknat would be good too. Har har har.

Then MalaysiaKini, yesterday, reported:-

"Detectives are hunting two men who have been throwing acid on pedestrians in a string of attacks that have sent shockwaves through the capital, police said today.

Kuala Lumpur has been plagued by attacks on at least 22 people since February, terrifying residents across the city and its suburbs."

Wow. Hebat sekali. Sungguh ber-efisyen lagi eksilen. (Minister Rais, sorry about the Manglish).

TWENTY TWO attacks. And the police is now hunting them. Have they interviewed witnesses? Has there been suspect and victim profiling? What about suspect description? What about preventive actions? How about some undercover works? Why are there twenty-two attacks? I thought crime rates have gone down considerably, no?

Well I suppose, these are not DAP or PKR members lah. Nothing to do with politics. So, they can wait until 22 attacks lah.

However, I can't help but to notice that our police had been very diligent in trying to find out who was actually in the now infamous sex video. They had even engaged experts from the United States to help in their search for the truth and nothing but the absolute smutty truth. Perhaps they should do the same in their quest for the acid splasher, no?

On Wednesday too, MalaysiaKini reported that Yang Amat Arif ("the most learned" - in English) Chief Justice said:-

"Counsel cannot expect good judgements unless they themselves come out with convincing, logical arguments,"

According to YAACJ:-

"The Bar has been advocating that judges should be more radical in some of their decision making....
"But in our common law practice, the ideas for developing a law must come from the counsel's submission."

Yes, YAA, but please do not forget that Judges must firstly have the right judicial temperament to listen to what Counsel is saying. Then Judges must have the intelligence and knowledge to actually understand what Counsel is saying. After that, Judges must actually have the judicial mind to analyse what Counsel has just said and apply them to the case at hand. Judges then should apply reasons to the various arguments proffered by Counsel; make a thorough appreciation of facts (including making findings of facts after analising testimonies and witness' character) and apply the law to those facts. Then a decision is made and pronounced.

When I say a decision is made Yang Amat Arif, I do not mean the Judges reproducing 30 pages of what Counsel on one side says and agreeing with what was being said by that Counsel.

By the way, having Judges who listen attentively to what Counsel says - as opposed to perfecting the art of sleeping with their eyes open - and who do not lean backward on the Bench and sending a text message (they call it "sms") to somebody from their mobile phone (they call 'em "hand phones") would also be good.

I wish Malaysia had funny news like this instead:

Man arrested after ejaculating during TSA pat-down

November 21, 2010

A 47 year old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent. Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.

According to Cummings’ partner, Sergio Armani, Cummings has “multiple piercings on his manhood” which were detected during a full body scan. As a result, Cummings was pulled aside for a pat-down. Armani stated that the unidentified TSA agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Cummings, who had apparently become sexually aroused. Cummings, who has a history of sexual dysfunction, ejaculated while the TSA agent’s hand was feeling the piercings. The TSA agent, according to several witnesses, promptly called for back up. Cummings was thrown to the ground and handcuffed.

A TSA spokesperson declined to comment on this specific case, but said that anyone ejaculating during a pat-down would be subject to arrest.

Because, that's really funny. In a real sense.

Not in a Malaysian sense.